It's been almost seven months since Luke made his precious appearance. In some ways, I would say the time has flown by. Ohmygracious, my baby boy is over halfway to ONE!
But there have been times that the months seemed long. Luke didn't sleep. In the early months it didn't seem too rough, I just kept thinking that surely nice long night sleep, and some decent day naps, were just around the corner.
And the months piled up. While the sleep did not. Luke is a happy boy. Smiley, strong as a (baby) ox, active and on the move. He made us laugh, blew us bubbles, goo-goo'd and gaa-gaa'd with the best of babies.
But he still did not sleep. If anything he got worse. Up multiple times each night. Daytime naps that averaged about thirty minutes. It was no strange thing for him to sleep a total of 90 minutes all day long! And the night wakings got longer and harder. He was less willing to go back to sleep after a cuddle or good feeding.
I started weaning, thinking that maybe he just wasn't getting enough to eat. (And knowing that with the lack of sleep and other demands on myself, it was entirely possible that good nutrition - for him and me - was a culprit.) Probably 90% of his caloric intake is now formula. No change in his sleep. And even after I attempted to intro solids at about 5 1/2 months - nada. He refused (and continued to refuse) solids. No interest at all. I didn't get too worried (my others didn't start til later than that), but still, it just seemed like something wasn't right.
He often slept with me at night, and I knew he was waking in pain. Or, at the very least, discomfort. It wasn't a squiggle, then squirm, the grunt, then wake up kind of a waking. It was a from-the-depths-of-sleep-cry-out-loud kind of waking.
And Matt and I were getting desperate for some rest.
So I took him for his six month shots and determined that I was not going to leave that doctor's office without some help. Even though Luke does not have several key symptoms of reflux (Luke weighs 20 pounds!, most reflux babies are slow weight gain), the doctor agreed we needed to try something, and I learned that a proton pump inhibitor was going to be the beginning of a new chapter for us.
Three days after starting the meds Luke's daytime sleep has more than doubled (almost tripled, really)!!! He is now in the middle of his second solid nap today, already past the two hour mark. Now while I realize this is nothing too special for the average baby, let me assure you, this is a BIG DEAL for Luke. Only three days of medicine!!!! If I knew the scientist who invented the proton pump inhibitor I'd be hugging their neck!
I have never, in his life, been able to predict with any certainty what Luke might do tomorrow (sleep-wise). There has been some freedom in this (why bother to stay home, Luke doesn't sleep anyways) but also a lot of downsides (an always awake, sleep-deprived, red-eyed baby).
Now, the nights still need a bit of work. Ahem. A lot of work. But a friend of a friend told me that when her son started reflux medicine the day issues worked themselves out quickly, and the night issues followed. So for now I'm hoping that our good nights are right around the corner.
I wonder why it is that God gave me this crazy sleep-less-ness in the midst of everything else rocking our family's little boat right now.
"Lord Jesus, I have nowhere else to go; You have the words of eternal life. I believe and now that You are the Holy One of God" John 6: 68-69
Yep, felt like that. So tired I had nowhere else to go.
"Oh Lord, be gracious to us; we have hoped in You. Be our strength every morning, Our salvation in time of distress." Isaiah 33:2
Yes, need strength in the morning. Check.
"Let me hear your unfailing love in the morning" Psalm 143
"May I rest in You and wait patiently for You" Psalm 37
"O Christ, You must increase; I must decrease" John 3:30
Now, before you go away thinking I handled (and am handling) this trial with grace and strength and trust, let me assure you that there have been dark moments. I remember calling a friend one morning. The kind of phone call that when the phone is ringing you brace yourself because you know as soon as you hear her sweet voice you're gonna burst into tears and you just hope she hangs on the line long enough to hear the gulps behind your sobs. Yeah, that kind of phone call :) "Where does God get glory from my misery?" I asked. "I cannot function like this." and on and on and on.
But there has been big lessons for me (and Matt) in all of this. Maybe I'll share those later. I hear my baby boy waking up :)
5 comments:
You've written so well once again, Laura. Thank -you for the post and I'm praying for gooooood sleep for Luke and Mommy and Daddy. Love to you all. Jan
So glad you have gotten some relief for Luke - and for you. That reflux is nasty business. Never heard of that treatment but glad it seems to be working! Hope Luke's night time sleep settles down real soon.
sweet dreams-
robin
Wish there was some way I could come and take a turn so you could get some sleep. It's no fun when your baby is crying in pain and you don't know/can't do anything to help make them better. I hope he sleeps better soon!
Oh Laura, I am SO glad to hear that this is making a difference! I am sure he will be an even happier baby now that he is really sleeping. I hope that he is able to work his nights out quickly. love, Whitney
oh my dear poor laura, i didn't know it has been so hard. how can i help? susan
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