there's a new woman in my life....

John Paul lives with a foster mom.

A foster mom!

Do you know how HUGE this is?

Throughout this adoption process I have loved listening to the song Narrow Little Road by Red Mountain Church.  The first line says, "I believe in the love of God.  It is an orphan's wildest dream."

I listen, and I pray.  Oh Jesus, where ever our little orphan is, the little boy you will bring to our family, protect his heart, keep this wild dream alive - that there is a God, a God who loves, and that love is partly manifest (desperately, imperfectly) in the love of a family.

Maybe you've read hundreds of pages about adoption.  Maybe you haven't.  Know this: God does miracles.  All the time.

Little ones who have never been held for a feeding, who have laid in metal cribs staring at white ceilings, who have never had a chance to develop muscles for sitting or crawling or walking, who have stopped crying in the night because no one ever responds to their tears..... these little ones are adopted.  And their new parents fight long hard earthly and spiritual battles to teach their newest child that there is love, and Mama-snuggles at meal time, and a whole world to be seen outside the concrete walls of an orphanage, and a strong-armed Daddy who comes in the night when you cry.  

And God redeems those ugly early years.  And restores those orphans to a family. 

For us, for our family, we have no idea how long or tough this attachment-to-a-new-family battle will last.  I am quite sure I am wholly unable to count the cost that we will pay as we help John Paul unlearn some of life's hardest lessons, which hit him hard, when he was two days old.  John Paul, family is forever, nobody will ever again put you in a box and walk away from you, we are here.  Forever. 

But we do know this - life with this foster momma, that John Paul lives with someone who DOES hold him while he eats, who DOES come in the night when he cries, who DOES carry him outside to see the sky and hear the birds sing - this is a GIFT!  Huge huge gift!  A much more lavish answer to my "keep his wildest God-love dream alive" prayer than I ever imagined. 

We have one picture of John Paul held by a woman - is that her?  Is that the woman who has loved on our John Paul since he was three days old?  Is John Paul her first foster child?  Her tenth?  Does she know that his paperwork for international adoption is complete?  That a family has said "we want him, we want to bring him home"?  That we are coming to get him and bring him to his forever home? We don't know.  

So I wonder about her, and grasp at straws for more information - and praise Jesus that where ever John Paul is right now, she is not far away.  That she has laid a selfless foundation of love and permanence that we cannot wait to build on.  That we will never underestimate the sacrifice she made.

matched!!!! introducing our newest :)

Yesterday morning we sent in paperwork to proceed with the adoption of a 13 month old little boy in Henan, China!!!!!!!!!!!

His name will be John Paul K******* and we will call him John Paul.  (If you're not familiar with the double name phenomenon then you need to spend some time south of the Mason-Dixon line .... it's seriously gotta be one of the biggest perks of being southern!) 

Almost three years ago when we first saw our Isaac Luther (named after Matt's dad) we knew that if God gave another son we'd name him after my dad Paul.  And sometime early in our adoption we settled on John Paul.  That was almost two years ago and believe me, there were days I thought we would NEVER get to bring our John Paul home.  So that we even have a picture and a name, to hear our kids say "can John Paul walk?" and "where will John Paul sleep?" .... oh my, to finally think that this crazy adoption journey of ours will end with a child in our home - it's a lot for one heart to grab hold of. 

After the final decision was made and the last of the paperwork emailed off to secure this step in the journey, after all that..... late yesterday afternoon I printed off multiple copies of the few pictures we have and packaged them as gifts for our kids.  A few weeks ago I 'randomly' bought some cocoa powder at the import store and decided that brownies would be the perfect extra-special dessert when we gave the kids pictures of their new little brother. 

So now we wait again.... many more steps between now and when we can go pick up John Paul and bring him home with us. Which gives us plenty of time to practice writing his name, and drawing our new family picture. 

And, yes, there are definitely moments when I've thought "is this absolute insanity, I mean, I'm 34 weeks pregnant.... what are we thinking?"  and then I remember that I am not the one writing this story of ours.  God is.  And though the story has strayed from the plot line I anticipated, I choose to believe that God's wisdom and sovereignty and power are perfect. And my wisdom.... well, perfectly imperfect.

So we'll go with His plan :)  

More details on John Paul and his story, and how it will intersect ours to come.... And I know you are desperate for a picture (and trust me, he is precious), but we've got a few more steps to pass through before it's okay for us to post his little face shot publicly.  If you live near my parents or in-laws, scoot on over to their house.... they've got some ready to show you!  Us too, of course ;) 

Isaac's first day

Oh my.  Another one off to school.  I don't think my heart is ever really ready for this.  Every mom is different (thank goodness!) but for me, this sending kids to school, even for a short morning.... it's just not my favorite.  I like them home.  With me :) 

But where we live, where we are, we feel very strongly that one of the primary ways we communicate love and respect for our host culture is to learn the language.  And for us, it turns out that it's pretty easy for our kids to live a perfectly English-speaking existence... sure, we have local people in our home, but there is no way they would ever spend enough time with locals to pick up language without school.  So off they go.... on a little love adventure with this country.  And their momma stays behind :(

And today was Isaac's turn - he'll be there two mornings a week, Tuesday and Thursday.  Lydia goes Tuesday Thursday Friday.  And my big girl Julianna is now there Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday.  Did you get all that?

The house felt VERY empty this morning.  Matt was low on sympathy for me - "Enjoy it", he said, "you've only got a few weeks before this little baby in the belly will make his/her appearance.... a few free mornings between now and then will be good for you".  

His first day was mildly successful.  In his own words... "I did not have fun because I was wanting you to come and get me."  And there were plenty of tears too (not at drop off but after, according to Lydia who was summoned to his class on two separate occasions!)

He's already told me he doesn't want to go back.  But he will.  His Daddy will take him on Thursday morning.  This is the number one reason Matt does drop-off, because he knows I would wimp out!  Even with the girls if Matt is traveling I often ditch school for a few days :) 

But it is a sweet little place, and the kids are happy there (once they get over the initial transition) and their language skills are admirable, their little friendships sweet to watch and enjoy, and they are - hopefully, prayerfully - seeing and experiencing that despite all our differences the same Creator God made each and every one of us. 

(In our family it's a huge compliment to be named "#1 goofball".  The honor never goes to me, frequently goes to Daddy, and Isaac is definitely most often near the top of the list!  Here getting ready to load up the bike Isaac was in goofball mode!)

So here's to our new routine.... two days a week an over-loaded electric bike and a morning ride to school.

And our adoption referral update?  Waiting on some information.  It's one reason I'm blogging now, killing time expecting a phone call before noon EST, which is 1am our time.  I think I'm about ready to turn out the lights and just be drowsy for the first minutes of the call :) 

Surely we will have definite news tomorrow.  Please keep praying for wisdom, faith to make this decision. 

where to start?

Many many thoughts floating through my head and heart.

We got home on Saturday early afternoon from a great trip (though lots of learning for Matt and me as we figure out how to do these kinds of things well, and I learn to single-parent through hotel stays when Matt is otherwise very occupied).  There was a stomach bug roaming through the group we traveled with, attacking children and adults alike, and on Saturday evening when Lydia started complaining of a hurting tummy I thought we were goners. 

But it turns out she might have just over-dosed on her spaghetti dinner and after a bit of couch rest she headed off to bath and bed with no issues.  Oh so grateful!  Now almost three days after any potential exposure, it seems that we dodged the bullet - and I hope I don't come back tomorrow morning with reports of someone tossing their cookies during the night!!!  Our kids are so stinking healthy I can hardly explain it - in all of 2011 I took them to the doctor a total of ZERO times!  [Confession: I am slow to take them in, and our doctoring resources are limited, so I tend to pass out a dose or two of Children's Tylenol and wait it out, but still..... zero doctor visits in 12 months for three kids under five, thankyouJESUS!]

Sunday was a lazy pajamas-all-day-long kind of affair, just what we needed :)  The big-brother-to-be and his sisters had a blast digging through baby clothes - Isaac is particularly possessive of this little sleeper, which he wore as an infant.  Most all of our baby clothes are in America, so Grandma packed up the earliest, most necessary items and sent a box - which the girls commandeered and are using as baby doll accessories.  Seems this newest little one will return home from the hospital and I'll be gathering clean changes of clothes from baby dolls around the house :)

And then this morning we woke with plans... which were somewhat de-railed when we got another REFERRAL!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo!  Just like last time, we have a limited amount of time to decide if this little guy is a good fit for our family.  Details limited at this point, but PLEASE PRAY!!! 

Still hard to wrap my heart and head around this idea that 2012 will bring two new additions to our family.  It's gonna be a wild ride :)  

day four

All in all, it’s been a very good trip.  We are in the mountains (so beautiful!) at about 8000ft elevation. Just fun to be in a new place with new people and the sunshine/blue skies/mountain views are like medicine for the soul! 

I took a few pictures when we were checking in for our flight on Tuesday morning.  Anyone tempted to glamorize our travel-full life will hopefully get a big reality check with these photos :)

I held up the camera high over my head and snapped this while waiting in line to check in.  Turns out we weren’t the only ones traveling that day!

Our precious well-traveled troops. 

I've been able to participate a good deal, more than I am used to, since all three kids can go to childcare for at least portions of the day.  And I spend my evenings sitting in the hallway outside our hotel room full of sleeping kids - but in good company, there are always more than a few other mommas out there with me :)  

the 15th day

Today is the fifteenth day of the Lunar New Year.  It's a big deal.  And the entire country celebrates with more firecrackers.  Ahhh, feel the love.  By day 15 the firecrackers are one seriously old story in my book, and I'm ready to move on to something new and different.

The very best thing about today? SUNSHINE!!!!  If you live somewhere you see sunshine every day, or even most days, or even some days, or even occasionally.... you might not understand how significant this is.  The winter here is foggy, gray, dreary, rainy, overcast,dismal, hazy - all that stuff. 

And a sunshine-y day is a BIG DEAL.  Way bigger than the fifteenth day of the Lunar New Year (okay, so that's not the most culturally sensitive comment I've ever made.....)

Matt and Isaac celebrated with a long afternoon bike ride.  Matt needed to go deep into downtown to find a shop to repair the screen on his phone and he turned the outing into a 'boy adventure'! 

adding air to the rear tire - Isaac wants to be right beside Matt anytime tools are involved!

The child's bike seat was a gift to Julianna on her first birthday.  All three kids have spent hours in it - today's ride was a solid hour each way.  Mostly through bustling cityscape - bridges and tunnels and honking horns and big trucks and overstuffed buses and busy taxis - needless to say, there was plenty to entertain the little man in back while Matt rode :) 

The girls played school and leaf collecting and water painting and even did a little gardening - all in the courtyard sunshine - while I packed and cleaned and finished up laundry.  Late in the afternoon all three of us ladies took a quick walk up to the local mini mart to pick up some airplane snacks for tomorrow.  We're traveling this week - the whole family - back on Saturday afternoon. 

And tonight before bedtime we lit up some sparklers, our little tribute to day 15 of the fireworks and firecracker extravaganza. 

just my family

I mentioned that Jill took great 'face photos' .... lots of sweet candid shots of our family.  So grateful!

Since our blog doubles as a scrapbook, here are a few of my favorites.  For me, and for our closest family, to enjoy.  Others welcome :)  

Isaac playing cards "on Daddy's team" - looks like they're doing a little strategy talking here, doesn't it? 

If this picture makes you want to reach out and touch those curls you are not alone.... in a country of one-point-something billion people with very little genetic diversity, this head of hair generates comments all day long.  And yes, lots of strangers, lots of everybody really, reaches out to grab a curl.  Luckily, it rarely bothers Lydia.  Maybe that's cause she's had lots of patience dealing with a momma who also can't keep her hands out of her daughter's hair :) 

Classic Isaac pose - intent, focused, on the floor with his cars. 

When she grows up she might be an artist, or a ballet dancer, or someone who works at an orphanage.  She likes to dress the part and would wear a leotard every day - even right on top of her pjs. 

And did I mention that my growing-up baby girl lost another tooth? 

Her eyes are a delightful piece of work, her cheeks always a smidge pink during the winter months.  Love this second daughter of mine.

Six just might be Julianna's best year yet.  She can start a load of laundry and bless the socks off of her younger siblings.  Yet still so young, so little, still my baby in so many ways - loves to snuggle up while I read aloud and wants me to stay with her at bedtime. 

One last shot of me with Lydia.  LOVES to be hand-in-hand with her mommy.  Loves to wear her big sister's (too long for her) pants.  Kisses my belly daily.  Can't wait to be a big sister again - and always refers to baby as 'she'.  Though if you press her on it she'll say "I don't know if it's a boy or a girl and I already have a brother and a sister, so both are okay with me!"