awkward letters

Yesterday I wrote a letter to John Paul's foster family.  I finally managed to pick up the photos I had developed (three weeks after they were ready!) and now I'm ready to send them off to his foster family, along with the note.  I'm sure they are eager to get them, and probably wondering why it takes me so long to get photos developed! 

Turns out that writing a letter to his foster family was kind of awkward.  There is so much to share.  And I also am not sure how much to share.  And I feel this pressure to impress them, assure them that I am an okay momma, and he is doing well.  Surely they worry a lot, miss him tons, wonder what he's doing and what he's up to and if he has a runny nose or a new toy and what his relationship with his new siblings looks like.

I told them he was healthy.  And usually happy.  I introduced his new siblings, and wrote about our courtyard, and how he loves to be outside.  I thanked them again, and told them we had one of the best cleft surgeons in China lined up to do his surgery (probably, hopefully early November). 

But there is a lot I didn't say.  I didn't tell them that I'm pretty sure they never read him books (which is not at all uncommon in a countryside area of China, children are not exposed to books early here).  I didn't tell her that sometimes, in the afternoons when I get him up from his nap, I get the distinct impression he is disappointed to find me, not her, opening the door to his room and picking him up out of his bed.

I didn't mention that he is a toothbrush fanatic, ("committed to dental hygiene" Matt says), and that I frequently find him cruising the house with toothbrush cocked and hanging from his mouth.  ["Does she know that? Did he love toothbrushes at their house too?"] 

I didn't tell her that I don't feed him noodles nearly as often as he'd probably like.  Or that he's learned chocolate desserts are worth waiting for.  Or that I cuddle him to sleep and lay him down snoozing for nap time, and wonder if he dreams of her. 

I hope this relationship, with his foster family, is one that we maintain for a lifetime.  And I know these letters will get easier to write.  And one day we'll be happy to tell him that we are in touch with his foster family.  And we'll show him pictures, of him in her arms, and invite ourselves to go visit.

I did tell her that he loves his new siblings.

And that the feeling is mutual. 

[John Paul initiated this little interaction - pulled up the little chair and plopped it right in front of baby brother.]

[And yes, I know there is a pile of laundry in the background.  I was tempted to crop it out.  But hey, it's my reality.  There should be a group for people like me.  "Hello, my name is Laura.  And I have a laundry problem."]