And I know where I wasn't.
I wasn't with John Paul on the day he was born.
On the eve of his first birthday in our family I have such mixed emotions. We've had a hard couple of days, me and him. We've struggled more than any other time in our short five month history. I don't know what I'm doing, and we both know it :)
I feel grateful to have him in our family, amazed that God would choose me to mother this precious child. And I feel overwhelmed and confused: this is harder than I thought it would be, I'm not sure I'm cut out for this mammoth task.
But I'm as committed to him as the day I signed the paper making him mine forever.
I think about his birth mom and wonder: where is she now? and is she thinking of him? oh how I wish she could know, even for one brief second that he is alive, and well, and happy and healthy, and warm and loved and snuggled down under two blankets (handmade by his Grandma and Grandmama) and sleeping in a bedroom next to his big brother.
I think about his foster mom... did they celebrate last year? What will she do tomorrow? Should I call her? I can't imagine loving a child for 19 months and handing him to strangers for the rest of his life. The joy... the pain.
I love that his birthday is New Year's Day. Love it. Oh how we all need to know the promise of a new day coming. Our God is making all things new.
Happy Birthday John Paul. I've got a good feeling about this next year. We're gonna have us a NEW one.
[Did I ever tell you that I LOVE two year olds?]
9 comments:
Happy Birthday sweet John Paul! You are well loved!
Danielle
Happy, happy birthday John Paul! Have a wonderful celebration my friends!! :-) Love you all.
This one made me cry. Sweet John Paul--Happy Birthday! We are so thankful that you are with your family for this birthday.
So true. A new year full of new beginnings. I'm hopeful for that.
I'm thankful for you guys and hope that peace ushers in with 2013 tonight. I know you all could use some rest.
Thinking of you all with love,
Whitney
Happy birthday, sweet John Paul! We love you so much and are so excited for you to celebrate your first birthday! Jonah is excited his cousin is going to be two like him. :) Laura, what tough, tough stuff. Love and hugs and prayers to all of you.
Krisanne, Paul and Jonah
Awww. I share a birthday with your special little guy! What a wonderful post. I hope tomorrow is full if joy and giggles for you both. So glad you're his mommy! You're right... This is gonna be a good year!
not sure if I want to cry or laugh-feel so much joy at this post and praying for you-you are a jar of clay, but the treasure inside of you is enough for this mammoth task. Praying for sabbath rest in your soul, even in the midst of the daily chaos of raising five kvernens. I have such happy memories of that swing!! Happy Birthday John Paul!
Oh what a happy 2 year old!! So sweet and indeed a special birthday, 2013 will bring lots of good things (including getting to meet your 2 newest!! :)!)
Happy birthday sweet boy! It will be a great year for sure!!
I cried as I read your post. Thanks for sharing.
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