We are really bummed. Honestly, I feel like I ran an emotional marathon. I can't believe this whole thing started just three days ago. I had some tough moments today, just feeling like "we need a break" or "we need something to just go smoothly".
[Sad lethargic little buddy in the hospital bed. It's totally unfair that I get to be the loving parent in this photo when in reality Matt played this role for 99% of the day... I just happened to be in front of the camera when Matt took this picture.]
I had moments of real disappointment and frustration. Where are you God and why is this not working out according to my plans?
But God is so good, and He patiently leads me back to TRUTH. And the truth is this: God is here. And perfectly in control of every single bit of this journey. So I can have joy and peace and rest based on TRUTH, not based on my circumstances. The perfectly wise, perfectly sovereign, perfectly loving God of the universe is writing this story. That is TRUE.
That doesn't mean that I don't struggle. I was so so sad today. I still am. I so badly want this surgery for him. And I am so weary of all the schedule readjusting and last minute changes and (what seem to be) constant potholes and road blocks.
But even in the middle of all that weariness and disappointment I can have peace and joy. And my heart turns to (most likely) every other patient in the cleft ward, "How in the world do you face the world, when you don't know that you belong to a good and loving God?"
I am excited to go back, probably two weeks from now? (Honestly, I'm tired of the 'probably' and for now we'll just hold on and see what happens.)
One day we'll have a story to tell, won't we? In some ways we already do!
4 comments:
Oh Laura - I am so sorry for the delay - what a huge disappointment. Hope John Paul is feeling better real soon. Trust in God's timing (easier said than done). Lifting you all up in prayer.
robin
We went through that same disappointment when our Amy's heart surgery was postponed due to illness. It turned out that she had her surgery just a few weeks before we moved back to the states when we were living in Canada. What a busy and stressful time that was, but HE was with us! We will be praying for John Paul and all of you.
Oh Laura, I do so relate. And Brent and I have often asked...how do other people face such hard things without knowing God. I too I am thankful I do and can rest in his truth. Continuing to pray for you all!! Love you!
I am so sorry that you all have been going through so much frustration and rescheduling to get to his surgery for John Paul. I am praying for you all. love, Whitney
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