when she runs out of things to say

My parents are quickly learning one pivotal truth about Lydia.  She loves to talk!  Matt sums it up best when he says it like this:  "Lydia talks all day long.  When she runs out of things to say, she just keeps on talking." 

It's amazing how many minutes of any given hour she spends talking.  It's also wearying :)  So we're all a little relieved when she turns her verbal attention to others. 

Like Isaac :)  Ha ha.  She does talk his ear off, and he is a very willing listener so they make a good pair.  And yesterday she identified another target....  the 60 year old panda bear that belonged to my dad when he was a little boy.

She read Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? (a new favorite with our little man)

And he was a great listener! 

We are having loads of fun here, which gives all the kids lots to talk about.  Even Isaac, who does not like all the driving (we spend a lot more time in the car here in a sprawling metropolis) but does like all the emergency vehicles.  This afternoon we spotted ambulances, lights flashing and sirens blaring, on two separate occasions.  He calls them fire trucks and just asks for more.  "More fire trucks.  Again fire trucks.  Mommy, [where] fire trucks go?"

If only an ability to produce a speeding ambulance in the approaching lane was part of my mom repertoire!  Then I would really be something :) 

Thanksgiving 2010

Oh wow, where do we start?  Our first Thanksgiving in the States since 2003!  We were back at my Grandmother's, where I spent every Thanksgiving of my childhood.

On the same farm where I saw many a newborn baby calf (and my girls saw one today - all white and wobbly-kneed and just a few hours old). 

But this year was not like the ones from my childhood in that I am no longer a little girl dancing on the porch with my cousins, but part of the 'ladies' responsible for getting dinner on the table.  Those years don't seem so long ago, but I now have children of my own, sometimes dancing on the porch, sometimes helping in the kitchen.... like this little firecracker, who keeps me hopping and keeps me laughing.

We ate like kings, then turned to the task of Christmas tree decorating.  Kudos to Matt who produced a beautifully lighted Christmas tree in spite of several small challenges (like the little man below!)

Making the tree extra special this year is the fact that my 91 year old Grandmother can see it through the sliding glass door that separates her bedroom from the sunporch.

When the night got long Isaac chose to read a book with his newest buddy, my cousin Kate, who is fast becoming a favorite with my little ladies as well.   

And on the way home tonight (Friday) we stopped at a family favorite, Blue Mist Bar-B-Q, for a plate of food that has not changed a lick since the place opened 62 years ago.  The kids apparently inherited my love of hush puppies :)

It was a GREAT Thanksgiving!

more from the zoo

Julianna watching the sea lions

Riding the carousel

 Telling Matt a secret :) 

watching the gorillas 

When did my little girl get SO big?!?!?

 watching the zebras

a happy moment from the little guy (who seems to be feeling better today)

our whole gang at the elephants

The five of us ladies (me, Mom, Kate, Julianna and Lydia) have already been to the grocery store this morning and it's time to start cooking :)  

Happy Thanksgiving! 

the NC zoo

Today we joined my mom and dad and my cousin Kate and visited the NC zoo.  It was really cool!  My favorite exhibit was the seals/sea lions/polar bear set up that had underwater viewing areas.  The sea lions would swim right past us.  It was fascinating.  The gorillas were also amazing - the huge daddy gorilla just hung out right by the viewing glass and looked really intimidating :) 

I think zoos that are 'done well' are some of the coolest places to visit.  [I've also been to a few zoos that make my stomach turn and seem like really ucky places for any animal to call home.]  

After we walked as many miles as our (little) feet possibly could we loaded back in the car and headed to my Grandmother's house, and we'll be here through Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, the internet is running slow and photo upload isn't working so great... maybe that's good news for you, you'll be spared a photo play-by-play of our entire day :)  The kids were wiped out after our full day and I'm headed that direction.  Taking a troop of little people to the zoo is a work out! 

Oh, and one other reason to head to bed early?  This little guy is NOT a happy camper.  He's battling a fever and I'm thinking we'll be up in the night with him.   The look on his face pretty much says it all. 

10 to 70

We arrived at the airport at 5:45 am Saturday morning.  It was 10 degrees. 

Two flights later and we landed.  3pm.  70 degrees. 

Exactly.  

This afternoon the girls and Grandmama went cruising in Granddaddy's convertible. 

It feels good to be back 'home', as in 'the place where I grew up'.  But it always surprises me how much has changed.  I feel silly asking for directions but the city changes fast! 

I am looking forward to our time here for many reasons, including several really fun reunions I have planned!  A three day getaway with my college roommates, a beach trip with our dear friends from China, and some day/half-day adventures with other friends that are in the area. 

In God's good providence, I am even getting to meet up with some folks who are not normally in NC but our paths are crossing here, for a season, and I can't wait!  And the fun starts tomorrow morning.  The kids will be having some fun times of their own, and we are headed to the zoo on Tuesday. 

so, where are we now?

We keep moving forward.  The weekend was hard, each day this week has gotten a step easier.  It's hard to know what to process, and where to process it, so I imagine my posts may seem inconsistent or erratic.  That's just where I'm at.

It's Wednesday night and the kids are just home from AWANA, which has been a real highlight of our time here.  Such an incredible program!  The girls are so pumped each and every week, even Isaac gets excited to go (and he just hangs out in the nursery!)

It's hard to believe one season of our furlough is coming to an end - this is the last AWANA night for a while, we'll be back again briefly in January.

We leave Saturday morning for a month long trip to North Carolina!  We are all so excited to get there :)  The girls are counting days and prepping for the airplane journey - it's been a while since they've been in the air and they were relieved to hear that it's only "a two airplane trip".   This mommy is pretty grateful too, that it's just a hop and a skip from here to Minneapolis and then on to Raleigh.


So that's where we are.  It's hard.  And I laughed today.  A lot. 

It's 9:30 on Sunday morning.  I am still in my bathrobe. 

Not going to church because I cannot face all the questions that I cannot answer.  [Why are you here with no baby?  Will you still adopt?  When?  How? Why?  How are your kids doing?  How are you doing?]

The girls and Isaac are playing with bowls and utensils taken from an off-limits drawer in the kitchen.  I have yet to deal with discipline for their collective disobedience, mainly because I am just grateful they are happy and not demanding anything of me.  Matt is downstairs in his office with the door shut for some much needed quiet reflection. 

That, in short, is how we are doing.

We got home from Baltimore late late Friday night.  Picked up the kids Saturday morning, only 48 hours after we left them for what we hoped would be the trip to pick up our new baby.

So, what happened? Short answer is we are not totally sure.  It seems that maybe a hospital social worker (not the agency social worker) discouraged the birth mom from placing her child in a white family and encouraged her to look elsewhere for an adoptive family.  Yes, the social worker knew on Thursday that a white family was coming to get the baby.  Not sure why she waited til after we met him to talk to the birth mom.  Yes, the birth mom knew all along that we were white. 

This has been, and continues to be, one terribly difficult road.  Why the Lord has chosen this for us, we are not sure.  We cling to what we know to be true of Him, instead of trusting what our limited, finite experience tells us might be true of Him. 

Inexplicably, we still deeply desire to add to our family through adoption.  But right now it's too hard to consider.  We feel like we have been picked up and dropped, picked up and dropped again, picked up again (still injured from previous falls) and dropped yet again.  We are tired of getting up.

A dear friend who consistently speaks truth and grace and love into my life sent me this in a text message and I love what it says about our Lord.  She writes, "Much like your desire to adopt that can't be snuffed out by hard circumstances, pain, and the enemy's attempt to kill that desire, Jesus' desire to see his people adopted could not be put out.  He endured incredible pain because his desire was for God to have us as his children at the wedding feast and with him through all eternity.  You are participating in an intimate way in Christ's suffering.  Praying it would draw you to Him as you see His heart."

Much of what I deeply desire to be my perspective as I walk this road is found in this great article, I hope you'll read it.

Thank you for praying for us.   

it's going very badly

Things are not going well.  We are not getting this baby.

We are booking a flight home. 

thanks for praying for us.  we are devastated.  I will share more details later but right now I just can't think clearly to write them down. 

update 1 from Baltimore!

We're here!  Everything yesterday went really smoothly, if you overlook the fact that I almost panicked about fifteen times :)  he he he. 

We landed and went straight to the hospital.... for probably one of the most awkward, confusing, difficult, yet incredible, moments of my entire life.  We met the birth mom and our little boy!!!!  I mean, the boy we hope becomes are little boy :)  There is a lot of legal work still to be done, especially a big meeting at 1pm (EST) today so keep praying!!! 

I'm not sure that legally I can post a photo yet, so I'll just tell you that he is absolutely precious.  Full African American, tons of soft hair, a really serious look on his face and he slept the entire time we were there (in my arms or Matt's!)

So, we spent last night here in Baltimore (my cousin Susan and her husband Graham live here) and I slept great, probably because the weirdest most complex day of my life was officially over!  This morning we go back to the hospital (for possibly 'the weirdest most complex day of my life, part two') and then .... well, I'm not sure.  I know there is a meeting at 1pm.  I am learning to take this one step at a time, walk slowly, keep moving forward.

THANK YOU FOR PRAYING.  Last night as we were landing in Baltimore I kept thinking: if it were not for all the prayers I do not think I could physically move my body off of this airplane. 

oh, baby

You will not believe this!!!  Tuesday afternoon we got a phone call - a birth mom chose us!!  Her due date was Nov 21st.... but babies have a way of writing their own game plan, and she went into labor yesterday (Wednesday) about noon.  A healthy baby boy (6lbs, 13 oz) arrived last night and we are on a flight to Maryland to go get him today!!!!

So, this is officially an emotional (and logistical) whirlwind.  The kids are packed for Grandma and Grandpa's, our bags are packed for Baltimore and there is a baby boy waiting for us to come hold him :) 

Please pray!  I am so scared I can barely think.  This is the riskiest, scariest thing I have ever done.  Any number of things could go terribly wrong and leave us terribly heartbroken.

Pictures and updates to come.  Kids need breakfast, a little last minute packing, then we are going to shopping for a gift for the birth mom and take them over to Jan and Luther's - we head to the airport about 11am.  We got the last two seats on the afternoon flight! - we used frequent flier miles :)  Thank you Jesus because buying last minute tickets would have cost us a fortune!    

the road I would not have chosen

Three words into this post and my eyes are already teary.  Friends, this adoption journey has not followed the road I would have chosen.  It is so hard.  We never dreamed we would be at this place (November) and not have a baby in our arms.

Here's the brief version of the past few months:  When we first returned to the US we focused mainly on adopting from certain very "safe" situations.  Adoption law is state-determined, so we focused on adopting from certain states that would allow us the easiest process for finalizing an adoption quickly.  We had what we thought was a perfect situation with a baby boy in Kansas.  And after about three (ish) weeks, it fell through.

A few weeks later we decided to "throw the doors wide open"... we decided to look at any situation in any state and see if we could make it work.   We decided that even if I had to return to the US with the baby later next year to finalize (court paperwork) then we were willing to do that.

And we started getting phone calls.  Lots of phone calls.  October 23rd we though we were matched with a baby girl due two days later.  The birth mom found out we lived in China and backed out.  Last Tuesday we got a phone call about a just born baby girl, the mom had about 48 hours to make a decision and she ended up choosing a different family.  Sunday we got a phone call about a just born baby boy.  We were the only family in consideration.  This morning we learned that the mom has decided to parent her child (almost certainly not a healthy situation for the baby, there are significant concerns about her ability to parent).

I am not sure if you can imagine what it is like to get these kinds of phone calls - and then wait - wondering if "this one is your child".  And there have been others that were less intense.... I feel like we hear something about some potential match multiple times a week.

We have some pretty significant time constraints, and feel like we need to have a placement really soon or we have to "give up".  We haven't talked really seriously about what we would do next, but with all the paperwork we have, and all the money the Lord has prepared, I think we would probably switch to considering adopting from outside the US.  But we really haven't talked much about what that would look like.

I know that hundreds of you are praying.  And it would take pages to list all the ways God has prepared our family, the financial miracles, so many things that point to God opening doors for us to adopt.  But so far we're missing the key piece - the baby!!! 

It is not uncommon for domestic adopting families to experience at least one "failed" adoption, but I think we are getting close to setting some records!

Surely the Lord is up to something really significant in our lives.  I know He is.  But oh would you join us in praying that someway, somehow, something would happen in the next few days that would bring a baby into our home, and our family to a baby.

9:18 am

Things I would like to do in the next 15 minutes:

unload dishwasher
reload with breakfast dishes
wipe kitchen table and sweep up breakfast crumbs
do the girls' hair
dry my own hair (if it's still damp when I get to this item.... looking like it will be air dry by then!)
get the sheets out of the dryer
remake three beds
finish browning meat
get crock pot started (chili for supper)
get pumpkin bars in oven
pour my second cup of coffee

Matt just walked into the kitchen and took this photo.

I'm not making much progress, am I?  But when a little boy walks up and says "read it" I can't resist... and when they hear the book start, the girls come running.  I read multiple times a day sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by my mental to-do list. 

Wish me luck :)

PS - My computer sits on the island/work station in our kitchen which means I can delay my to-do list five minutes and put a quick post on the blog :)

roommate anniversary 2010

I've decided that roommate anniversary is the kind of thing that just gets better with age.  Just like me!  ha ha ha :)  

Last night after supper we gave the girls glow in the dark bracelets and headed out for a walk.  Oh wow - if you are looking to spend some fun filled outside time with your kiddos at dusk, I can't speak highly enough of glow in the dark bracelets!  [The girls have also been enjoying their first set of glow in the dark ceiling stars, so they are officially hooked!] 

Excitement was running high, but we got everyone settled down, the bracelets secured onto the edges of their beds, and the girls drifted off to sleep - Matt decorated their bedroom door with streamers and balloons and I whipped up a little poster.  One of my favorite things about roommate anniversary is how very simple it is - markers, streamers, balloons, glow sticks... and you've got yourself a party :)

Best part of this year's celebration was that I finally gathered up the previous years' photos and remembrances and put them in a journal - the kind that we can add to each year.  There are photos from 2007, 08, and 09 and the girls already LOVE looking at the book. 

Here are a few photos that I plan to add to this year's page in the Roommate Anniversary journal:

Lydia and her bed (isn't that quilt beautiful?  hand made especially for this season in this home)

Julianna on the top bunk

the decorated door to their room

and a few more photos of their bedroom here in America.

What a sweet little yellow room they have enjoyed here!  And what sweet little roommates I adore :)

guess who

Julianna and Lydia are really into the game Guess Who?  For those of you who aren't familiar with the young kids board game circuit Guess Who? is a process of elimination game for two players.  The goal is to ask questions and gradually eliminate possibilities by flipping down face tiles until you determine the face on your opponents' card.  Clear as mud?  I guess if you are really curious about the game you'll have to come on over :)

It's a simple game and can be easily won with a few simple questions (does your face have hair? glasses? a beard? a black shirt?).  But it does say "ages six and up" so I want to give the girls the benefit of the doubt.  

Because when the girls play it gets pretty hilarious.

Lydia starts: Does yours have longish hair or shortish hair?
Julianna replies:  Pretty much medium hair.
Lydia seems satisfied with the answer and starts flipping tiles.  [I have played many a game of Guess Who? and I have no idea how she can take an answer like that and know which tiles to flip down.]

Julianna asks: What color is the hair on yours?
Lydia answers: Purplish black.
Julianna: Ok.  (and starts flipping down tiles)

Back to Lydia's turn.  She asks: Does yours have red eyes?
Julianna responds: No, more like a different color than red.
With that answer Lydia flips down some more tiles.  [For the record, the eyes on some of the faces do look pretty freaky, so I'm not surprised she describes them as red.]

And it continues like that, until one of them only has one tile standing.  And she shows her sister.... "is this your face?"

And, almost always, the sister gives a confused look and says "NO". 

Which is when I bite my tongue, refrain from suggesting possible (simpler) questions, and say "why don't you just play again?"

And, YES, today is Tuesday and we voted :) First time in ten years I have walked into a polling place (no need for an absentee ballot this year!)

pumpkin patching (is that a word?)

On Saturday Grandma loaded up my two girls, drove down to pick up a few more cousins, and headed to the pumpkin patch.  My sister in law Kristi joined in too - and after the girls got home that afternoon I had a twinge of "oh man, I wish I had gone", but in the end I'm glad I enjoyed my day here with just Isaac.   

Here's the whole crew posing on the hay bales.  One unforgettable highlight of our season in the States is definitely the time we've gotten to spend with these sweet cousins.  I still cannot believe that we've yet to have one royally huge fight between them - these kids just get along so very well.  [They are so sweet with Isaac too, and he was one disappointed little boy that he missed out on the festivities.... maybe next time little buddy!]

The pumpkin patch offered lots of entertainment...a hay maze

wagon rides

farm animals

and putt putt golf??  I don't quite get the relationship between putt putt and the other fall activities, but hey, this is America, and if you put a mini golf course at your pumpkin patch, the kids will come :) 

The girls brought home three big pumpkins to add to our collection.  I've already cooked two this fall, and I plan to roast one more tomorrow (or maybe two.... we'll see how the day rolls).  Pumpkin is probably one of my favorite 'flavors' and while what I really crave is some pumpkin soup from my dear friend Xiao Li, I'm willing to settle for pumpkin chocolate chip cookies instead.

My two favorite photos from the day?

This one of the two girls is my top pick.  Lydia can be fiercely independent, but she's a little sister at her core - looking to follow Julianna's lead and loving a little TLC from her big sis.  I think the girls' faces and body language in this photo really captures the tender side of their relationship. 

And who can resist this shot of the girl cousins.  Cousins and candy.  How sweet it is :)