lighting the fire

I love a chilly winter night with a fire in the fireplace.  I like the sound of crackling logs, flickering firelight, and children mesmerized by the flames.  The rain finally stopped, the temperatures stayed low, and we couldn't resist the fireplace. 

Julianna asks about snow almost every day - I sure hope we get some soon or she is going to be one disappointed little girl! 

Today the girls are on an outing with Grandma.  Isaac and I ran errands this morning and I'm loving the extra long afternoon with him sleeping and some craft supplies spread out on the kitchen table.  I'm preparing for November 3rd - a big day in our household - Roommate Anniversary! 

The adoption news continues to be "lots of potential, but nothing definitive".  Honestly, the wait is hard.  Really hard.  Please keep praying!  We just hope hope hope that the right baby is out there, waiting for our family!  And that we'll get to welcome him/her home SOON!!

hot potato

Day two of cold rain.  Yesterday morning we picked up a friend and went to open gym at the local Gymnastics center.  It's a great spot to run around and get all the excess energy out, despite not-so-friendly weather.

Of course Julianna - the dress up queen - was dressed for the activity!

Days like these in China get sooooooo long for me and the kids.  Playing outside in the warm rain is one thing - it might be messy, but it works.  Playing outside in the cold rain is pretty much not an option.  I was very grateful to be living in America, complete with big house to run around in, attached garage with matching minivan, and many fun entertainment options right down the street. 

Like this spot - with gigantic playland :) - where we stopped for lunch. 

Sitting down to dinner last night Matt juggled hot potatoes as he served plates and asked the girls if they had ever played the game 'hot potato'.  Well, they hadn't (poor deprived little souls) so after baths the games began. 

Even Isaac likes to play organized things like this, though he doesn't quite follow all the action.  (When he plays duck duck goose he stands up and runs around the circle every time "goose" is called, regardless of who actually got named "goose".) 

The white bear in Julianna's lap is our potato and in Matt's version of the game, the person caught with the potato in their lap when the music stops gets tickled by the other players.  This, I might add, is where Isaac really excels. 

In his book, it doesn't matter where the potato landed, when the music stops it's time to wrestle.  Can you see Lydia?  

He puts in a fair amount of time on the bottom of the pile too :) 

And when Julianna said "hey, how come the music only stops when one of the children is holding the potato?"  Matt was caught red-handed (he runs the music)... and everybody tackled Daddy.

Good question Julianna :) 

her decorating career...

I don't have a ton of decorating talent, but it definitely runs in the family, so I'd say there's a real possibility that Julianna could put together a cute little home office for her husband one day. 

In the meantime she's practicing her stuff, starting with her daddy's office door. 

What she lacks in skill she makes up for in sass and confidence :)

If this little honey showed up on your front porch would you hire her? 

can we make this into our playground?

I got home late last night [well, technically, I got home early this morning :)] and grabbed a bit of sleep before morning dawned bright and early.  The women of faith conference was such a treat... what joy to be there with so many members of Matt's extended family!

Now Matt is watching the Vikings game and I'm starting to realize how tired I am - my eyes are crossing when I try to focus on the screen.  So, this won't be long, but I thought it would be fun to post a few photos.

The trees are mostly bare so we figured it was time for our final raking session of the fall.  The kids have really loved having leaves to play in/with and today was no different.  At one point Julianna looked up at me, neck deep in a pile of leaves, and asked "can we make this into our playground?" 

Lydia wanted me to take a photo of just her and talked Julianna out of the photo op by saying "this is supposed to be a picture of the three year old class".  It's hard to argue with a statement like that, so Julianna scooted out of the camera's viewfinder and this is what I got:

Well Julianna then pronounced it "time for the four year old class photo"

closely followed by "the one year old class"

If you follow their line of reasoning, this becomes the school photo.

And their "teacher" is one tired momma tonight. 

women of faith

I leave today at noon for a trip to the Women of Faith conference with a bunch of ladies from Matt's extended family.  Matt's mom, her sisters, their daughters and daughters-in-law and a few other female relatives frequently attend the conference, and I am so grateful that I am in the US and can join them this year! 

Matt is here with the kiddos (and a little help from Grandpa) - Andy and his kids will be here for part of the weekend too. 

1 Grandpa + 2 Dads + 6 kids = plenty of fun and a few adventures too :) 

the hardest part

Today our family ate lunch with another family - pretty common stuff, we do this all the time.  Except this time, it wasn't so common... because this particular family also adopted domestically, just like we hope to do. 

It was so very good for my heart to sit at the lunch table with this sweet mother and her beautiful children (all three adopted).  I loved listening to her tell stories of the journey to each one of their children. 

She told me that this season - the waiting - is the hardest part.  Oh how I hope she is right!  This "waiting to match with a baby, waiting to bring a baby home, ready for a baby but no baby yet" is officially NOT EASY!  My flesh does not like it one little bit.  I do not want to wait.  I do not want to wonder.  I do not want to live in the not-knowing-ness of this season. 

But I do.  That's my reality right now.  It's our reality as a family. 

Yesterday morning Lydia asked if we could tear another link off our prayer chain (that we created for the baby we lost).  It's so hard for the kids to understand. 

We have been praying for a new baby for months and months.  Then we started praying for one specific baby and the "getting ready" got really serious (the girls got to go shopping for that little boy).  And then that baby did not come home with us.  But we still hope and pray that there is a new baby out there for us. 

I really wanted to tear another link off of that chain.  But I can't.  I don't know when we'll get a new baby.  It might be sooner than we think.  It might be much later than we hope.  And for now we seem stuck here, in the "hardest part". 

saying goodbye

On Friday morning Paul, Krisanne and Jonah left for Indonesia.  On Sunday morning they arrived. 

Yeah, exactly.  Two whole days of traveling!  Oh my. Something tells me they didn't look quite this good after their long journey, but this is how I'll be remembering them :) 

On their final night together, the girls got pretty serious about holding their littlest cousin.  Distance and time are still pretty tricky subjects for my little crew, but they knew change was in the air, and it was time to give Jonah an extra special snuggle. 

We're hopeful for another family reunion on the Asia side of the globe sometime soon - who knows when?!?!  Hopefully sooner than we think :) 

life keeps on ticking

Well, we all know this is true.... even when life doesn't play out the way you hoped or dreamed, it does keep on ticking away, and in some ways that's really helpful.

We are slowly moving through our disappointment, beginning to hear tidbits of other potential matches, and continuing to pray that God would bless our family with a child.

The final days of our 'indian summer' are here.  After an early cold snap, warm temperatures came back last week and it was 85 degrees again.  Unbelievable.  It was like summer's last hurrah, and we spent lots of time outdoors.

Then yesterday the girls tried out their winter gear - last week we were in shorts and tshirts, now they are talking about snow :)

Matt moved his day off to Thursday for the week and the whole family went back to the state park for another hike and picnic.  Next time we visit this spot it will be frozen solid -

Matt and the girls left the trail attempting to spot a deer we thought we heard walking in the woods across the valley. We never did see anything, and Julianna finally concluded that "it was probably just a yak". 

yeah, probably. 


Well, I am off to swimming lessons, where Julianna grins this big for the entire class.

how are we doing?

So how are we? 

Well, first of all, we are overwhelmed at the love and care and concern  - your blog comments, your emails, your phone calls, your encouraging words, your prayers - all for our little family.  Thank you.  I've said this before, but it bears repeating.  We are many things (see below!) but we are definitely NOT lonely! 

As to how our hearts are doing, the short answer is: it depends.  Some moments of some days are easier than others.  Every day gets better.  

In the (almost) four weeks that we knew of this little baby boy, he began to occupy a large part of our hearts.  We thought we were bringing him home.  And we prayed like we were bringing him home. 

You know, I'm not sure anyone prayed specifically for this little boy before we matched with him.  It's entirely possible that he spent his first 35 weeks in utero prayer-less.  Maybe not even one person.  And then we started praying, and many of you prayed. 

I believe, I know that God is pleased when His people humble themselves and pray.  And I believe, I know that God delights in answering prayer. 

So, somewhere out there, we still pray, is a little boy who will grow up to love brownies and have a heart that is soft towards the Gospel. 

In the meantime, our hearts are many things.  Our hearts are confident in God's leading and the specific ways He directed us during the final days of our failed adoption.  He is still in control, He is not surprised.

We are sad that we are not in Kansas holding a newborn baby boy.  This (sitting on our sofa, fingers on the keyboard) is not what I planned to be doing this evening.  If I was in charge of writing the "adoption story script" this is not the scene I would have chosen. 

We are also full of hope.  We sooooo want to bring home a baby, and we know there are babies who need homes, and we know God delights to set the lonely in families and we hope that one will come home to our family - soon!

Thank you for praying.  We are amazed at how many of you care so deeply about our family. 

[Also, one other piece of info because I know many of you care about this little boy you joined us in praying for:  I am not sure where *our* little boy is - I am pretty sure he was placed for adoption, but I do not know definitively if a family accepted him or what happened.... we hope to find out soon.  We are praying he is in a home where he is loved and cared for and hearing the message of the Gospel.]

where we are not going

We are not on the road to Kansas, we are not going to bring this little boy home. 

Yesterday we learned that there might be a problem, and this morning the Lord confirmed that this was not the baby that he has for us. 

I am sure you are curious and maybe want to know more details, but that's all we want to share for right now.  Know that we still care about this baby, and that it was ultimately the birth mother's decision to disengage from the adoption. 

Adoptions fail.  Often.  We knew that, but it is still hard when it happens to you.  Yes, we still want to adopt, still hope to adopt. 

Please ask God to comfort us (the kids too) and to give us confidence in Him as we move forward from here.  

what we don't know

If you are really into ambiguity, making decisions with limited information, constantly changing circumstances, and lots of waiting with no hard deadline then adoption is the perfect journey for you! 

Those of you who know me well are now wondering how in the world I possibly made it this far :)

I like plans and planning and knowing and certainty.  Adoption is basically the opposite.  It seems like every time I learn one thing, I realize two other things that I still don't know.  People ask questions and I just don't know the answer.  I ask questions and there is no answer. 

So we're waiting.  Again. 

I would LOVE to know when we are leaving for Kansas.  I would love to know when the baby will arrive. 

Good thing I do know one thing: God is in control, and for that, I am grateful.

hunting ducks

Saturday morning Matt, Andy and Paul went duck hunting.

It was a successful trip :)

I don't know much about hunting ducks (or any other animal for that matter) but the photos are really cool, and I think you'll enjoy them. 
 

For dinner that night we ate Chinese, Indonesian, and duck.  Pretty fun :) and very yummy :) 

It's a very quiet Sunday afternoon - I am the only person in the house that's awake :)  Later on we're going to do a little raking and leaf-pile jumping.  Or maybe go to the greenway for a walk.  These beautiful fall afternoons are so delightful - it's breezy today, so the leaves are swirling in the gutters and the air is so crisp.  I love it :)

We should know final baby-arrival details tomorrow at noon.... it's coming up and I am getting anxious and excited and all that good stuff!