my daily dose of culture

As a mom with three young kids, getting out of the house can be a challenge. Well, technically, the actual walking out of the door isn't too challenging. It's the flights of stairs between our door
and ground level that pose the big challenge. I've posted about this before and all I have to add to that post is that adding a third child has not made the trip any easier!

The good news is this: I absolutely love our apartment. You'd have to pay me big bucks to consider a move anytime soon. And Lydia insists on walking the entire way up to apartment 401 on her own - she's slow, but she does it "by self". So, if I am patient, really really patient, the stairwell is not the enemy it sometimes appears to be!

Anyways, you can fault the stairs. You can fault the weather. You can fault the fact that I have three children and the oldest is a whopping 3 years & 4 months old. But some days I just don't make it outside. And if I don't get outside, I don't get to interact with the local culture.

But, thanks to our daily milk/yogurt delivery, culture comes to me!

This is Grandma Wang (affectionately known as "nai nai"). That's her grandson Xiang Xiang on her back - he's 3 months older than Lydia. Nai Nai brings a milk and yogurt to our house every day. Recently I've started refering to her as "my daily dose of culture".



It has taken me awhile to understand some aspects of the local culture. And it has taken me even longer to choose to embrace some of them. [And, of course, there are some aspects that I don't think I will ever fully embrace.]

One of the more difficult is that at times, what sounds to my ears like criticism or a reprimand is actually a means of expressing care and concern.

It looks like this: A local lady sees me outside with my children. She takes one look at them and says, "They should be wearing hats. It's really windy. All children need to be wearing hats today."

I think that what she really means is, "You are my neighbor and I think your kids are cute. I would hate for anything bad to happen to them. So I think I'll comment on their lack of headgear as a means of expressing my general care and concern for their well-being."

Or maybe she really does think that it's too windy, and she really doesn't want them to get sick, and she really thinks hat-wearing is the perfect preventative. So the only right thing to do is warn me about the lack of hats.

Unfortunately, all too often I fail to do the "meaning translation" in my head and only hear the actual words she says. And my reaction is, "You're crazy. I can decide if my children need hats. Who made up some rule about the amount of wind and the need for hats anyways? That's baloney."

Matt tries to remind me, "If they didn't care, they wouldn't say anything." And sometimes I think, "Now that would be ideal. A world full of neighbors who didn't care about me and thus kept their mouths shut and didn't criticize my every mothering-move." But other times I realize, "I'm so thankful that they do care. I really do want to hear the care and concern, and be able to ignore the means they choose to express it."

All this to say, the more often I am exposed to this criticism=care part of the culture, the easier it is for me to accept. It is good for me to be outside and be criticized (sounds weird, but I think it's true)! It is bad for me to stay inside and avoid listening to the criticism.

Here's where Nai Nai enters the picture. And why I've started calling her, "my daily dose of culture". This lady LOVES to criticize me. And I know without a shadow of doubt that she loves my family and cares a lot about us.

Some days it's a whole new criticism I haven't heard before. Other days she chooses to repeat one of her favorites. And some days, she doesn't criticize me at all!

Here are a few of her favorites:
"It isn't good to carry Isaac upright on your shoulder like that, you'll hurt his neck."
"Lydia needs to be wearing socks, it's cold outside."
"You shouldn't carry Lydia so much, you'll get too tired" (This was a favorite of hers when I was pregnant with Isaac... the bigger my belly got, the more often I heard this one!)
"Make sure you put this yogurt in the fridge right away, otherwise it will taste bad."
"Here are some straws [for the yogurt], but don't let your children use them, it's bad for them to use straws."
"Don't they need to be wearing more clothes? They'll get sick."
"Your mother should stay longer when she comes to visit. It's too long of a trip and if she comes she should stay a long time."
"Your husband rides his bike too fast. He should be more careful."

And some days she drives me crazy! But other days she sits on my couch and holds Isaac and grins and I think, "Nai Nai is such a sweet lady".

And then, the next time I am out and about with the kiddos, and a complete stranger walks up and informs me that I shouldn't let Lydia play in the dirt I can think, "Thanks so much for your care and concern" then look at Lydia's dirt covered hands and smile.