oreos and a cleft palate

Sweet John Paul hasn't even been home for a week and we've already made our first doctor trips (now is the time to do it since Matt is taking some paternity leave and my parents are here to help with the other kiddos). We headed to the top hospital in our area of the country to see a cleft specialist who came very highly recommended.  We were super impressed with the facility, the surgeon, the head nurse... everything.  End of (very thank-filled) story: he'll have his palate repaired sometime this fall, still not sure exactly when but super thankful for this excellent provision for him.

We finished so early at the hospital that we decided to do double duty and visit an American family doc for a general check up.  Unless something funny turns up in his blood work (which is highly unlikely) the end result is....... John Paul is one healthy little boy.  The doc's quote: "I am impressed with him."

Thank you doctor, we are too.  And even more impressed with the God who perfectly intricately designed him - every little detail. 

As to feeding John Paul and his palate?  My worries were totally unfounded.  John Paul eats.  And eats.  And eats.  He even eats Oreos.  Yum. 

His sneezes can be a bit messy (food bits come out the nose!) and he can't suck on anything (sippy cup, bottle, straw, etc).  But other than that, you would never ever know there was a hole in the roof of his mouth. 


He is one precious little boy who is getting in to everything! And I am staying busy running after him and trying to keep him out of trouble ;)  Tonight he successfully dunked his toothbrush in the potty.  And that was just one of his many antics! 


It's a big week here.... tomorrow my Lydia turns FIVE YEARS OLD!  (and yes, she already got the birthday present we'd all been dreaming of - a new brother!)  Thursday my parents leave on a three day get-away to see the Terra Cotta Warriors in Xian.  And Matt, who has been easing back into work, will be in meetings all day Thursday which means it's my first day on my own with all five.  Woohoo Laura!

I'm off to make some cinnamon rolls for the morning.  (Lydia's request for her birthday breakfast!)

seven pairs of eyes

So I had this great idea that we'd take our first family of seven photo...... we had all been out in the courtyard (so the kids are in bathing suits) and had just wandered out to play in front of our building. 

We're all in one spot, surely we can take a quick picture, right?  (nevermind the fact that I hadn't showered in..... well, a while!)

In about three minutes Dad took ten or so photos.  These three are the best of the bunch :) 

Looks like we've got a bit of work to do - if we're hoping to get a shot with all seven of us looking at the camera that is!

family olympics (and the newest team member)

Under usual circumstances I'm a big stickler for limited TV viewing.  BUT, the Olympics do not qualify as 'usual circumstances' and we've been watching gobs and gobs!  (We can watch online using the NBC site and view all kinds of events, last week we were heavy on the women's gymnastics, recently diving, synchronized swimming, soccer.. )

So today Matt organized a little family Olympic games.  It was awesome. 

This is Lydia finishing up her floor routine.

And as for the score?  She got a thumbs up. 

Isaac on vault was pretty amazing.  He called this move "the tummy back".  Vault (a short sprint across the living room before launching themselves onto piles of couch cushions) was one of the more dangerous events, but remarkably there were only a few minor injuries during the entire afternoon competition.

As soon as the Games started Julianna ran for her USA leotard.  They love to cheer for American athletes, second choice is China or athletes from any country they've visited (which is a fairly long list). 

Our littlest teammate (Luke) snoozed through much of the fun (that, in and of itself, is a big accomplishment for my not-such-a-big-fan-of-sleeping baby boy). 

And our newest team member?  Mostly hung out on Daddy's lap.  He seems to vacillate between several different attitudes - sometimes bold and brave and willing to wander all over the house with just a backward glance to make sure Mom or Dad is close by, and other times he is committed to skin-to-skin contact with Matt :) 

As for how we are all doing, I'm so exhausted at the end of the day I feel like a tired athlete myself.  At any given point during the day I honestly can't think more than about fifteen minutes into the future.  (Except for the moments when I have a panicky "what in the world am I going to do when Matt goes back to work and Mom and Dad go back to America?")

So that's us.  So very very thankful for this little Olympic team the Lord has given us.  And also wondering how in the world we're going to make it through the earliest weeks of adjustment in one piece!   

Wednesday and then HOME!!!!

Wonderful Wednesday!  After a grueling Tuesday (12 hours away from our hotel room, much of it spent in the van, with two boys under age two) we were ready for a day of rest and this was it!  We
woke up with no plans until our 2pm late check out and taxi to the airport. 

John Paul loves to stick to one place.  The longer he is somewhere the more he likes it.  Transition, not so much.  Hanging out and realizing Mommy and Daddy aren't leaving him, he likes that a lot! 

So every minute we stayed in the room was like a notch up on his personality meter :)  He laughed and played and explored (loves to pull toilet paper off the roll - ha!) and even skyped with Grandpa back in North Dakota. 

He spent most of Tuesday attached to Matt - clearly his first preference (Matt is loving it, by the way!).  Since Tuesday was so long and difficult we decided to go with what was best and easiest, which meant he was in physical contact with Matt pretty much the entire day.  Wednesday he was venturing back and forth from me to Matt and burst into tears when I left the room for three minutes. 

We are speaking to him in a mix of Chinese and English.  It's definitely easiest to use Chinese, since we want him to understand us!, but we've started repeating ourselves in English too.  The girls are using mostly Chinese, but I think that'll gradually switch to English too.  He is a smart little guy and is quick to understand simple directions (in Chinese) like "take the car and give it to Mommy" or "Daddy is getting your water, look over there, he's bringing it to you". 

Our first full day at home was intense.  I hardly had a chance to think more than about fifteen minutes into the future.  (thankfully Mom and Dad are here and providing tremendous amounts of help.... tremendous amounts!)

John Paul is a big fan of the big family.  He follows the older three around, always checking to make sure Matt or I am close by.  We got out the pool this afternoon and he was loving it.  I'm pretty sure he'd like to spend every afternoon of the rest of his life playing in this little pool! 

But as much as he likes to play and engage, he also emotionally/physically/mentally checks out at times.  This morning I scooped him up and sat down to snuggle him in the rocking chair.  And right there, at 11 am, in the middle of our living room, surrounded by noise and siblings and all sorts of whatnot he fell fast asleep for about 30 minutes.  It's almost like he just can't handle all that's happening (understandably!) and will choose to snuggle down and disengage. 

We know from his foster mom that he was part of a community, with other children, neighbors in his world.  And, clearly, his foster mom taught him to love the water.  It's quite hot there in the summer, and I'm guessing on the hot afternoons she pulled out a tub of water for him - he is clearly a very experienced water-play-er! 

So I feel like we're in the middle of, well, everything.  Massive transition, learning how to best love and care for this new little guy, trying to figure out how life and family (and meals, and rest, and ....) work with our new normal.

But it's good.  So very good to have him home.  Almost surreal.  I can't believe he's really here, sleeping in the pack n play next to our bed.  I also can't believe how exhausted I am at the end of each day.  It's 9pm and I am about to collapse.  Good night.  Thanks for praying for our sweet boy. 

Tuesday

Tuesday morning we were back at the civil affairs office, ready to sign more papers.  Sweet brothers had a few moments together on the couch .....

After our time at civil affairs we went to a notary office (yes, more signing papers) and then it was time to head out for Nanyang (John Paul's 'hometown').  The trip itself was pretty standard, long drive with young kids standard, that is :)  John Paul is a much better traveler than Luke - at least for now.  He slept some, and played pretty quietly.  Luke turned on his intense, activity-driven personality and drove me nearly insane before we arrived!

The whole purpose of the trip was one very simple fifteen minute paperwork deal (yes, more signatures required) applying for a passport for John Paul.   Although he is 100% adopted and ours forever,  he is still currently a Chinese citizen and will need his passport (and then U.S. visa and trip to America) before he can acquire U.S. citizenship. 

So we f-i-n-a-l-l-y arrive in Nanyang and exit the van to sweltering heat and the two orphanage ladies from Monday.  John Paul took one look at them and started clinging to Matt!  We finish up the paperwork and one of the orphanage ladies says "Now we can see his foster mom".  I turn around and there she is..... 

We stood there, on the steps of a government office building, sweat dripping off everyone of us.  John Paul saw her coming and reached out his arms.  And I started crying.  I know he was probably thinking "this ten day nightmare is finally over, I'm going back to my momma".  He snuggled up into her arms and looked more content than I've ever seen him. 

His foster mom grinned from ear to ear, snuggling and kissing and loving on him.  We visited there on the steps, John Paul content in her arms.  We thanked her and asked questions and thanked her and asked more questions and thanked her again and again :)  I loved hearing little bits of his story, watching her hold out her hands and indicate "he was this small when he came to live with me"  (three days old!) 

She is a delightful woman, in her mid-fifties, from a rural area outside of town.   And she had prepared him so well, so well for us.  As she was holding him, with us standing by her side, she'd say "see, I told you your Mommy and Daddy were coming for you.  Here they are, I told you they were coming." 

What do you say to the woman who cared for your son for his first 19 months?  Who sat by his side during his hospital stay (for his cleft lip repair)?  Who watched him cut his first teeth and pulled him into bed with her when the temperatures dropped at night?  She is a precious lady, and a precious part of John Paul's story.

During the entire visit, which probably lasted only about 15 minutes, the orphanage staff stood by.  On the books a meeting between foster family and adoptive family is discouraged (we had asked for special permission).  And before I knew it, our time on the steps was over and everyone started saying "you have a long drive ahead of you" and "its about time to go". 

So we walked to our van, Matt and Luke and I climbed in.  John Paul's foster mom peeled his arms from around her neck, handed him into the van and walked away sobbing.  The van door closed and we drove away, tears everywhere. 

As terribly difficult as it is even to remember that moment (I'm crying now as I type) I am forever grateful that we had it.  So grateful that John Paul knows that his foster mom knows where he is.  That she gave him to us, that we have pictures and video of all of it.  At 19 months old I am sure that he doesn't understand much of what is happening, he just knows it hurts.  But that moment, I believe it was a big moment for him.  She is a huge part of his story, and to have shared a spot on the timeline of his life - a spot when we were all together - is such a gift.

Tears were still falling when the driver announced we were at the Nanyang City Central Hospital.  The spot where he was abandoned.  I hopped out and took a few photos, Matt and the boys stayed back in the van.  Assuming his birth mother was the one who left him at the hospital (on the steps? at the back door? at night? during the day?  we'll never know....), assuming she was the one who left him -  that is the closest my path will ever cross hers.  I glanced around, wondering.... what direction did she come from? did she hurry away? wait and watch to see that he was picked up?  is she even from the city or had she come in from the countryside for this reason? 

But you know, visiting the spot your son was abandoned is not a warm-fuzzy kind of a thing.  I was ready to get back in the van, leave this place where he was so badly wronged. 

And we drove the long trip home, got to the hotel about 8pm, put Luke in the bed (hallelujah!) and John Paul in the bath.  He loves a bath and it was a sweet, light-hearted way to end a very draining day.

and then.... (the rest of Monday)

After signing a 24 hour guardianship agreement and about a dozen other documents it was time to get in the bus and head back to the hotel. 

Not long after we walked in the room John Paul perked up.  The little boy who didn't make one single sound all morning was ready to start talking :)  We don't understand much of what he says, but it is very clear he wants to communicate, and he has things to talk about.... just like his other siblings! 

Jill ran out for some take out lunch and he ate like a champ.  We loved watching him come 'alive', and then about three o'clock he sat down in my lap and promptly fell fast asleep.   Matt took Luke and ran out for some supplies while I held my sleeping boy. 

Monday afternoon I felt like we saw again how dearly his foster mom loved him.  John Paul thinks he is funny, he expects someone to laugh at his antics.  It's clear he expects to be paid attention to, to be free to roam and play, to explore and come back and explore again.  His foster mama convinced him he was special.  And he is! 

We ate dinner with our friends - and then back to the room for bedtime for everyone.  Luke was through the bath and into bed first, and then we put John Paul in the bath.  And he loved every splash-y minute.  He made a tremendous water-y mess and was pure delight to watch.  A little post-bath snuggling and he was fast asleep. 

We all crashed by about 9pm, which was a blessing since Tuesday would be longer and more challenging than any I've had in a very long time. 

he is ours, and we are his. forever.

This morning (Tuesday August 7th) we made it official.

John Paul is now, and forever, our child. 

But I want to record details, things I hope I remember forever but fear I may forget, so I'm going to back up and start writing.

Matt and Luke and I arrived Sunday afternoon, pulled up to our hotel and the first people we laid eyes on were our friends Jeff and Rebecca (and their kiddos) and Jill.  Three different sets of people arriving from three different cities (two trains and one airplane) and we *happened* to walk into the hotel lobby within minutes of one another.

What a sweet gift to be with these friends.  Jill watched Luke Sunday evening while Matt and I went out for dinner, and then into the evening the five of us sat and talked and laughed and prayed.

Monday morning at 9:30 we headed to the civil affairs office.  There were at least eight families adopting at the same time.  Most (maybe all?) adoptions happen on Monday morning, so there we all were.  Waiting for this life changing moment of meeting our children for the first time.

And before I knew it children started arriving.  It's unbelievably simple - after all the stacks of paper that have been chased, and all the months that have been waited, the end of the journey arrives.  A van pulls up.  The side doors open and out climb the passengers - an adult or two, and a child.  They walk up the steps, a few moments of confusion, and then the orphanage workers place the child into the arms of their new parents.

All adoptions from orphanages in the entire province happen in the provincial capital (Zhengzhou), and we knew John Paul's orphanage was "the farthest away", so we weren't surprised when he wasn't in the first groups to arrive.  Our friends Jeff and Rebecca spotted their little guy as soon as he was out of the vehicle and we watched his first moments with his new family.  (Their new Isaac was a foster brother of their David, whom they adopted last November.  To see them come back to get his foster brother, and make him a brother for life, and joined by two other siblings - it was a sweet moment!)

And then a lady in a blue dress, carrying a toddler sized boy.... but I couldn't see his face.  Was that him?

Yes.  He's the one for us.

Now I can fill in details, things I learned after that moment passed.  The lady in blue works at his orphanage.  John Paul left his foster mother a week earlier.  Blue lady (I never learned her name) didn't know him well, and couldn't even really answer my questions.  So after 19 months with his foster mama, John Paul spent one week (can you imagine?!?!?) in an orphanage, and then a three hour drive with two women he barely knew, and was passed into our arms.

After tears and a bit of struggle, he decided Matt was a much better option than the orphanage ladies, and settled down nicely.  So nicely he wasn't initially too eager to switch to my arms.

We now know that he is (understandably) rattled by transition.  Moving from my arms to Matt's.  Leaving our hotel room for breakfast.  Any time we get into or out of a vehicle he cries and clings.  But once we get settled in and it's clear Mommy and Daddy aren't going anywhere he relaxes and loosens his grip :)

I have so much more to write - but must stop here.  It's late.  And I am exhausted.  

To all of you who are praying: I am humbled to know how much you love and care for us and our John Paul.  It will be a long time before I can return all the emails, but know that each one is a gift to our family.  Today meeting his foster mom and seeing his finding place was very blessed.  His foster mother is an amazing lady, clearly loved him to bits, and had prepared him as best as she possibly could for this transition.  More about that later, and the rest of our gotcha day, and ..... I really really must go to bed. 

John Paul pictures

 

We got him!  Stories later (if I can keep my eyes open after the boys are asleep)....  it's been an amazing day. 

a gift for John Paul

My children love to hear me tell stories.  And they really only want to hear one kind of story - a story about themselves!  Whether I'm recounting a significant event ["Lydia, remember the day that you went to the hospital and met Isaac and ....."] or something small and every day ["Isaac, I remember when you used to sit in your high chair and ....."] they love to hear stories about themselves!

And I love to tell them. 

And one story I cannot wait to tell is "John Paul, remember the day you came to our family?  And you were scared and crying and Mommy and Daddy were ......... and God was there."  And I cannot wait to tell him how many friends were praying for him and for us. 

If you are praying, would you leave a comment and tell us?  You can sign anonymously, write a short little note, whatever.  One day I will print them or make them into a book or something to keep - a tangible reminder of God's goodness to our family through the love of His people. 

It'll be a gift for John Paul.  And for us. 

(specific ways to pray listed in the post below)

to pray

Honestly, I'm not sure exactly how to pray for all that lies ahead, so I trust the Holy Spirit to lead me (and you).

And it's pure comfort to know that many of you are praying and continue to pray when we are exhausted, confused, discouraged, frustrated..... and also the times we are filled with joy and delight and awe.

Here are a few ways I feel lead to pray.

1. For John Paul as he leaves the only family he has ever known, the couple he calls "mama and baba", to join our family.  Pray that he grieves well, long, hard.  Pray for the foster family he leaves behind as their empty arms will ache for weeks. Praise Jesus that He early showed his grace to John Paul by placing him with a foster family. 

2. For Matt and for me.  As we greet and love and serve this sweet little boy, for patience, for bits/glimpses of the joy to come, for firm conviction in God's perfect plan for all of us.  That our joy and our peace will not be determined by our circumstances but rather by a solid unshakeable faith in the God who is writing this story.

3. For Julianna, Lydia, Isaac and Luke.  Surely there is massive adjustment ahead as we welcome another member to the family.  I'm most concerned about Isaac, but I've been surprised before :)  Ask the Lord to give them understanding hearts, wisdom beyond their years as they respond to changes here at home. 

Also (by request!) here is a "best guess" at what the next days look like for us (all subject to change, of course!).  Time is local, we are 12 hours ahead of EST.

Sunday Matt and I (and Luke) fly to Henan, arriving early afternoon.  We have a short "hello" meeting with our guide and are excited to reconnect with our friends who are also adopting.  Matt and I are looking forward to dinner on our own (our friend Jill will be watching Luke for a bit that evening!)

Monday morning we will head to the civil affairs office to wait for John Paul.  He (and any other children coming from his area of the province) will have a three hour drive to the provincial capital to meet us.   Our best guess is that he will arrive between 10 and 11 that morning.  We will sign papers and he will officially be under our care.

Tuesday (long long day).  We drive back to his "hometown" - more paperwork to sign and process.  We are also hoping to visit his finding place (the spot where he was abandoned) and also just heard today that we will most likely get to meet his foster family.  [On the official record a meeting between the foster parents and adoptive parents is prohibited but we asked for special permission and it looks likely it'll be granted.]

As emotionally difficult as we expect this day to be (and on top of that, six to eight hours of road travel time), it is a tremendous opportunity for John Paul and for us.  Almost everything I've read about the potential to meet foster parents speaks of how healthy it is for everyone .... for John Paul to see that his foster parents know he is leaving, and who he is leaving with.  For us to learn more of what his first 19 months of life looked like.  I'm just hoping I can stop crying long enough to express how deeply grateful I am for their sacrificial love for him, and assure them that their role in his life will be honored by our family.

We travel back to the provincial capital Tuesday night -

Wednesday is low-key, waiting for a final piece of paperwork to be processed and an early evening flight home.  This will be a big reunion - all seven of us under the same roof for the first time ever! 

little photographers

A few months ago I bought three disposable cameras (remember those?!?!) ..... the price was right (less than 2 dollars each) and I was certain I could find a good use for them.

Well I pulled them out and tucked them into my carry-on when we left for Hong Kong a few weeks ago.  And they were a big hit with all three kids.  I had a bunch of fun taking pictures of them taking pictures :)

(Look closely at the camera... it's the Kodak 2008 Beijing Olympics edition.  Maybe that explains the steep discount on the price?!?!)

And when we got home Matt found a photo shop that remembered how to develop film (ha!) and he brought the printed photos home today. 

Definitely a big win for everyone!  I thought they were so cute taking the photos, and they thought they were so grown up with their own cameras, and definitely a bit of pride and delight with the finished product too.  Julianna (of course) headed straight for the craft table to start making frames for hers! 

It's hard to do anything these days without thinking about John Paul.  Only a few more days and we'll be taking photos of our earliest moments with him.

Tomorrow I plan to post a list of specific ways you can pray for all of us as we head into this big weekend.  So grateful to know "you" are out there, reading and loving our family. 

three single guys plus 12 years =

Today I am so excited to share this crazy fun story - 

Twelve years ago Matt shared a super small apartment with two guys who became great friends: Matt and Jeff (yes, two Matts in one apartment). 

Jeff married Rebecca (a girl with North Dakota ties!), and we've seen them consistently over the years, though they live about three hours by plane from us.  They have three precious children. 

The "other Matt" married Jill (we were at their wedding!), they have four beautiful children, live in another province and visited us just six months ago.  

And (follow this carefully now!) ....  Jeff and Rebecca will be in Henan with us - both of us adopting little boys, from the same province, staying in the same hotel, with the exact same Gotcha Day.  [Their newest addition, Isaac, is their second adoption.  Four children and only 21 months separating the oldest and the youngest... such an amazing story of how the Lord has created their family!]

Aaaaannnnnnndddddd, Jill will be there too!  Months ago we started dreaming that maybe their family could be part of our Gotcha day.  Jill is leaving her husband and children for two days to come and serve us: with lots of photo-taking and also helping out with Luke (!!!) and just bringing joy and friendship and encouragement (which she does so very very well). 

All these details - especially that Jeff and Rebecca will be there at the exact same time - all came together today!  (The "Jill plan" has been on the horizon for a while!)

To think this - that we will be there TOGETHER - is just an unbelievably sweet gift to our family. 

So the short version is this: 12 years ago three single guys following Jesus and loving this country shared a couple hundred square feet.  And now, each of them with wives, and children (13 between our three families) - and brought together for such a sweet significant event!  

Next week at Gotcha Day we'll be missing some (Jill's husband Matt, and their four children, our biggest three also not there).  But oh I am already dreaming of the day we will all be together - laughing and playing and talking and dreaming and praising the Lord for all that He has done in each of our families!

Is that not so amazing?   

I don't know

Ok, I'm starting to feel a little panicky about John Paul. 

Excited.  Ready.  And also a lot of "can I really do this?" 

I feel like my answer to just about every question is "I don't know.".  This is not my favorite answer.

Q: When will he arrive on Monday?
A: I don't know.

Q: Will he stay with his foster family til Monday morning?
A: I don't know.

Q: Will he scream and cry and grieve and be confused and thrash and wail and cry out for his foster Mom for hours or for days?
A: I don't know.

Q: How will I react to this kind of grief from a child I don't know?
A: I don't know.

Q: Will we meet his foster family?
A: I don't know.

Q: Can we visit his finding place? (ie where he was abandoned)
A: I don't know.

Q: Will size 18 month clothes fit John Paul?
A: I don't know.

Q: Is he potty-trained?
A: I don't know.

Q: Has he ever seen a foreigner before?
A: I don't know.

Q: How do I feed a child with a cleft palate?
A: I don't know.

All the "I don't know-ing" kept me up last night.  And then my Luke woke me a few more times (really Luke?  is this a good time to start bad night sleep patterns?)

So what do I do? 

Focus on what I do know. 

Jesus. 

a ball in the grass

The most interesting things come out of Granddaddy's suitcases.  They've been slowly trickling into the house... one day he showed up with a box of Honey Nut Cheerios (lifespan: 3 days and the box was E-M-P-T-Y!), another day he arrived with peanut butter nabs.

Friday it was a yard ball. Possibly a bigger hit than the Cheerios.

 

After two hours of sweat-drenched outdoor play the troops were exhausted.  Happy and exhausted. 

And probably wondering what else Granddaddy had in his suitcase :) 

sneaking up? not quite

Dad loves to capture moments with his camera.  Last week I dropped Dad and the big three at IKEA while I took Luke for his four month shots.  I like to say "we don't sneak up on people" and Dad got a few photos that capture that exact effect. 

(Can you count how many people are watching Lydia?)

And here.... how many are taking Lydia's photo - see her flip flops sticking out of the red chair?   At this point Isaac has tired of the paparazzi and is hiding in the blue chair.

I tolerate this whole shebang fairly well about 20 percent of the time.  Which is better than never, but still a long way from a consistently gracious and loving attitude towards this culture. 

One day, years from now, I'll travel a little less noticed, a little less photographed, a little less paparazzi style.  Until then, I'm resigned that we'll never "sneak up on anyone" :)