a grandparent goodbye

These goodbyes just don't get easier.  Mom and Dad leave tomorrow (Thursday) morning to head back to the USA. 

[wish i could upload ten or more photos but something is wrong with our internet these days and the speed is horribly slow, even these three pics took loads of patient waiting to finally get into this post!]

It's possible Luke will no longer get baths without Dad in town!  Dad faithfully put this little guy in the tub time and time again.  Sweet little guy does L.O.V.E the bathtub, so hopefully we'll be able to get him in the water again consistently even without Dad's help!

And while Mom and Dad were here each of my big three enjoyed a special date with the grandparents - what a sweet time for them to get out and have some focused time and attention!

 Mom and Dad with the whole gang - headed to dinner at our favorite noodle place a few blocks away. 

What a sweet time - it's so very good to have them here with us!  And so very hard to see them go!

I am "out....

I feel like we are starting to see a small bit of, well, some type of normal around here!  It's got a lot of kinks to work out, and the system is pretty rickety, but we are getting through the days, and the days add up to weeks, and I realized yesterday late afternoon that we had just passed the three week mark with John Paul.

Three weeks.  I wish I had some cute cliche something to say like -

He fits seamlessly in our family.

But the reality is, he doesn't.  John Paul has really stirred things up and while I don't doubt the Lord's perfect sovereignty in placing him with us, there are moments that make me question the Lord's plan!

For one, I just feel "out-needed".... as in, there is no way I can possibly meet the needs of all the littles the Lord placed in our family.

And I feel "out-smarted".... there are moments that I seriously have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!  Parenting an adopted child is not the same (at least at this moment, for this family) as parenting one of our biological children.  (Besides, I often don't know what to do with our bio kiddos either!)

And I feel "out-talked".... with our older three we talked lots, and early.  All three loved to communicate and were great little talkers well before they hit two.  Now I've got this little John Paul, and we've got a few communication hurdles - not the least of which is the fact that he has A HOLE IN THE ROOF OF HIS MOUTH and can't make some sounds.   He does say "mama", sometimes meaning me, sometimes meaning "give me that", sometimes meaning "????".  He frequently points and makes an "ah ah ah" noise that I call 'the bark'.  I'm working on teaching him some signs, thinking both of us will be a bit happier with a means of communication that goes past "point and make barking noises"!

And I feel "out-numbered".... loading both the little boys (John Paul and Luke) in the double stroller, or trying to cross the street with the stroller, two on bikes, and one walking alongside (its a small street, no way are we ready for the big leagues!). 

And I feel, well, a lot of things.  Honestly, I miss the days when it was just the big three.  Luke has not endeared himself with the title "easy baby" and keeps me hopping (and dreaming of the day he'll sleep!)

But all the same, there is great comfort (and if I sound like a broken record it's because this is what I preach to myself like a broken record) - God is bigger than all of this.  God is not about me getting glory because I "can handle it".  God is about Himself getting glory because only He can do it.

And before you start thinking I sit on the couch and wipe away tears all the live long day (which surely you don't think I have much time to sit on the couch!) - KNOW that there are times of intense joy.  The five of them are so unique, so intricate, so delightful in their own ways. 

 It's hard.  And good.  Maybe the best kind of good-hard there is. 

We made it.  Matt is home (and healthy).  I am healthy.

This last week was not one of my favorites.  Stress and sickness and transition and (I believe) a huge dose of spiritual warfare all added up to one very intense week. 

As much physical and emotional work as it was to get through each day, the struggled ramped up each evening.  I don't know that we've ever been in such a sleep-less stretch.  No point in war-story-like numbers, but let's just say that I have not slept much at all.  Mom stayed in our apartment the two nights Matt was away to be extra help (and I called on her once each night .... as in once each night there was not only one child awake and needing Mommy but two children awake at the same time, so Grandmama was called in for back up). 

Lydia had horrid night terrors and for three straight days ran a high fever (like 104, 105-ish degree temps).  On the third night I actually called our emergency medical insurance I was so concerned about Lydia.  Could the fevers be causing her crazy screaming? panicked voice? wild and far-fetched stories?  [FYI - yes, fevers can cause night terrors.  So can some medications.  We stopped the Tylenol and switched to Motrin only which seems to have helped.]  Now the fevers are gone and she slept straight through the night last night. 


Matt got home a little after 5pm, we had an early supper (thanks to a bunch of friends who have been providing meals) and he took the big four out for a walk.  I stayed home to put Luke in bed and go to the bathroom solo for the first time in three days :)  Ha!  Just kidding.  But a little space and time to collect my wits is a blessing.

I'm expecting them back any minute and I have priorities to prioritize... four kids needing beds, and a nice long talk with my husband.  Oh, there's one of my little blond heads rounding the corner now.....

before it gets any better

As it turns out Matt did not have food poisoning.  He had something contagious.  And gave it to me.

Just a few hours after realizing I was headed for tummy-trouble I started feeling like I was playing the lead role in a film titled "what not to do with your newly adopted toddler".  Y'all, this is when I wish I hadn't read tons of books and articles about bonding and attachment with adopted children.  Because I am not "doing it right". 

Laying on the living room carpet, half asleep, while your newly adopted 19month old runs circles around the house does not promote bonding and attachment.  Neither does plopping them in a booster seat at the kitchen table with a banana and wishing them luck with breakfast before wandering away in a sleep-deprived, sick-tummy daze. 

It's been really hard.  Really really hard.  Thankfully I started feeling better today, and Matt is almost back to normal.  He leaves tomorrow morning on a three day, two night trip.  Lots to pray for around here.

by a thread

So the last few days have been tricky.... Matt got food poisoning (??) and did not leave the bedroom for about 24 hours.  Today he was slightly better, still weak and stuck to the bed.  In our entire marriage I've seen him this sick only a few other times. 

That put quite a bit on me, especially mornings and evenings - try running the bedtime routine with an infant and newly adopted toddler - the former who apparently doesn't believe in sleep, the later who is constantly finding new ways to make Mommy sprint across the living room and rescue him from another close call (this evening John Paul got the cooking oil out of the food cabinet and was toting it across the apartment - thankfully the "easy pop open lid" did not pop open mid journey.  And yes, I have a way to close the cabinet so he cannot get into it but apparently during the dinner prep it got opened and not re-locked.) 

When John Paul is not rushing for the open bathroom door or drinking rain water from a bucket he found in our courtyard or licking rocks he picked up on a walk or eating a stray crayon he found under the couch he's looking for me.  This, I realize, is great for our attachment.  He really really wants to be with me.  He wants me to be near him.  He does not want me to run inside for twenty-two brief seconds while he is playing in the courtyard. 

But he's a busy boy and I am busy keeping up with him.  And Luke.  And Julianna and Lydia and Isaac! 

So many blessings, but on days like this I wonder if I'm cut out for this!  I know, I know.  The first weeks are full of adjustment for everyone.  But these last two days have been hard.

And did I mention our washing machine broke?  (this is the third broken appliance we've dealt with in as many weeks! argh!)  Seven people and no washing machine does not make a funny story.  So I literally "ran out one night and bought a new one".  Just like you might run out for a quick grocery or two.

We did about ten minutes of research online.  But the big online sellers were all out of stock.  So off I went.  Good news is there were only 400 models to choose from.  Ha!  I called Matt three different times from the sales floor and then swiped the credit card.  It's ours. 

Better news?  The washer is 40% larger than our old model (which was teensy).  And it arrived in a big cardboard box. 

Still, I'm pretty sure

1. replace a major appliance
2. put sick husband/daddy in bed for 48 hours
3. wake tired Mommy six different times last night

does not fit the how-to-book version of "How to have a smooth first weeks home with your newly adopted child".

And there is grace to cover all this.  All the ways I mis-handle situations.  All the times I turn to another child and say "sorry, I can't _____________ (read with, play with, sing with) you right now".  All the frustrations and junk and all that.

I am in way over my head.  And you know what?  That's a good thing.  Because if I run this show on my own strength and in my own wisdom then I get all the credit.

But if we make it through these weeks and months and years ..... It's Jesus who gets the credit.

I'm exhausted.  Off to snack on a cold watermelon and hit the pillow!  

how is he doing?

I wish I knew "how John Paul was doing".  I mean, I guess in a sense I do know - I am with him almost every hour of the day, I can tell you what he is actually doing, and how he seems to be doing, and what I perceive his adjustment to be.... but I've never walked this road before and I'm not really sure what my baseline comparison point should be and I can read gobs and gobs about adoption but in the end every child's personality is different, their background is different, and their adoptive family is different..... so in the end, well, our story is different.

I think he is doing okay.  He seems comfortable in our home.  He is often looking for Matt or for me.  He happily runs back and forth between the two of us.  He loves to follow his big siblings around and keeps me on my toes with his adventurous spirit and toddler antics.

I'm learning to keep my ears open for the distinctive sound of 19 month old bare feet running across hardwood floors towards the bathroom door that was (accidentally) left open.  [Without doubt John Paul thinks the most entertaining room in our entire apartment is the bathroom.  I think he cannot for the life of him figure out why we try to keep him away from such fun.  I'm sure his foster home did not have a toilet (but rather a squat hole floor type thing).  He probably thinks we have triple water fun - the toilet, the sink, the bathtub - all in one room and for some odd reason just won't let him at it!]

Anyways, he plays happily, actively, most of the time.

But there are also some things that leave us scratching our heads.  Or wondering what he's thinking and feeling.  Or concerned for his heart.

He is very affectionate and out-going.  Nothing wrong with that.  But yesterday he ran, arms upturned, asking to be held, straight towards our upstairs neighbor - a man he had never even seen before.  Ummmmm, not okay John Paul.  Obviously he has a lot to learn about a family, and the difference between "family" and "not-family".

This morning we had good friends over to our house and he turned a bit whiny, clingy.... not his usual self (though he eventually kind of found his groove, but the first hour he was definitely out of sorts).

We took him to McDonalds (everyone was a little stir-crazy and there's no time like the present to introduce french fries and ice cream cones, right?)  As soon as we walked in he grabbed tight onto my neck and buried his face.  He just gets unsettled by new things - and wanted to stick close with me.

Half an hour later he offered the (gross) soggy remnants of his ice cream cone to a total stranger.  (She, wisely, declined.)  

I remind myself that we are very early in this process.  And I'm grateful that he's here with us.  And we can start loving him into our family.  And I love how sweet he is, how much he does truly seem to enjoy being with us, how he has latched on to me and to Matt, how he is learning to trust us.  

I took this series of pictures tonight.  I think it captures well his activity level (ummm, very very active) and his love of fun (lots of love for fun) and his wide-open, all-out personality.

He climbed into this plastic tub then quickly crawled right back out. 

 ..... started pushing it across the carpet towards Matt....

.... decided pushing was too slow, picked it up and took off at a brisk trot......

.... plopped it on the floor in front of Matt and climbed in, waiting for a ride.....

and Matt obliged.  (John Paul has played this game many times with his older siblings who are always ready to push him around the house.)

And one last shot.... running towards me, big smile on his face, ready for whatever fun might be headed his way. 

He really is quite irresistible. 

And he has a lot to learn.  We all do.  I've never done this before, and neither has he.   But we'll figure it out, one day at a time.  Please pray for him, and for us.   

Matt starts back to work full-time tomorrow (Monday) morning.  He worked part-time last week, but this will still be a big adjustment.  He'll work Monday through Thursday then travel Friday morning til Sunday night.... it's a long stretch for me, my first big one with all five kiddos.  My parents are here (back from their trip) and tremendous help, so that's a huge blessing.  But I'll need lots and lots of wisdom and grace to do these days well. 

number five at five

August 18th marks Luke's five month birthday.

In the past weeks we are really getting better and bigger glimpses of his personality.  He is fairly intense, wanting to be on the move, very extroverted and eager for eye contact, usually desiring interaction with someone (thank goodness our house is filled with lots of folks to play with!).

About three weeks ago he started aggressively getting up onto all fours and pursuing forward locomotion.  He's making lots of progress, forward progress across the carpet, that is!  He isn't fast, but he is determined - rocks back and forth, lunges himself forwards, pops up onto his toes with bottom high in the air, etc.  The past few days I've even seen him attempt pushing himself into a sitting position, which usually ends with him toppled over - he can't sit on his own yet. 


He enjoys the paci as much as any other toy but will angrily spit it from his mouth if he's sleepy.  Which is fitting, this child of mine is not easy to settle down - he gets tired, his energy level ramps up! 

As a fifth child in a tight line of children you'd think he might be, oh I don't know.... relaxed? laid back? easy going? Not a chance!  This guy is running me ragged, stripping away any confidence I had (after all, I have done this baby thing a few times).  He doesn't sleep well at night.  Or during the day. [Though I will say that the last few days it seems we may have turned a corner?!?!  But I'm hesitant to get too excited about the newest sleep developments.  If anything this little Luke is predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent.  I'll sleep when I sleep.  End of story!]

He shoves everything in his mouth (even mom's nose!)

His smile is a winner, and he has a special grin he flashes just for me when mealtime rolls around.  So far we're sticking with lots of mommy-feedings, though he has taken a bottle a few times recently, twice without hardly a fuss. 

He is a lot.  A lot to add onto an already full plate.  But I cannot imagine life without this sweet fourth born (turned fifth child) of mine.  His feisty personality is going to be a good fit I think - he'll need a bit of feisty to run well with this bunch of kiddos we've got growing here!

my 5 year old

Sweet Lydia, how in the world have five years passed so quickly? 

This is one precious child of mine, and it was delight to celebrate her today. 

We prayed that God would give Lydia a brother for her birthday (just like he gave Isaac a brother - Luke was born two days after Isaac turned three).  Well, this morning my brand new five year old woke up to a house full of brothers!  After months of praying, it's amazing to look at John Paul, and Lydia... together on her birthday. 

We started with cinnamon roll breakfast (and tinted the icing pink - her choice!)

Then presents.  And skype with Grandma and Grandpa in America. 

And then a trip to the neighborhood pool.  And (imported by her grandparents) Honey Nut Cheerios for lunch.  Yes, Lydia choose the entire day's worth of menus. 

After lunch we settled on the couch for a look at her new movie, Snow White.  I thought Isaac would surely fall asleep but he managed to stay awake the entire movie - the littlest two brothers slept though :) 

For dinner we had mac n cheese and hotdogs with cupcakes for dessert - what can I say?  My children have very sophisticated taste! 

And decided while we were celebrating we might as well start Luke on some solid food :)

Ha!  just kidding.  I'm not giving Luke cupcake as a starter :)  And I'm also planning to hold off on solids as long as I possibly can - we've got quite enough action at the table these days, no use adding any additional chaos :)

This little spunky one adds a big dose of joy and energy and excitement and laughter to our home.  Praise the Lord - giver of all good gifts - who gave us this little girl to love! 

oreos and a cleft palate

Sweet John Paul hasn't even been home for a week and we've already made our first doctor trips (now is the time to do it since Matt is taking some paternity leave and my parents are here to help with the other kiddos). We headed to the top hospital in our area of the country to see a cleft specialist who came very highly recommended.  We were super impressed with the facility, the surgeon, the head nurse... everything.  End of (very thank-filled) story: he'll have his palate repaired sometime this fall, still not sure exactly when but super thankful for this excellent provision for him.

We finished so early at the hospital that we decided to do double duty and visit an American family doc for a general check up.  Unless something funny turns up in his blood work (which is highly unlikely) the end result is....... John Paul is one healthy little boy.  The doc's quote: "I am impressed with him."

Thank you doctor, we are too.  And even more impressed with the God who perfectly intricately designed him - every little detail. 

As to feeding John Paul and his palate?  My worries were totally unfounded.  John Paul eats.  And eats.  And eats.  He even eats Oreos.  Yum. 

His sneezes can be a bit messy (food bits come out the nose!) and he can't suck on anything (sippy cup, bottle, straw, etc).  But other than that, you would never ever know there was a hole in the roof of his mouth. 


He is one precious little boy who is getting in to everything! And I am staying busy running after him and trying to keep him out of trouble ;)  Tonight he successfully dunked his toothbrush in the potty.  And that was just one of his many antics! 


It's a big week here.... tomorrow my Lydia turns FIVE YEARS OLD!  (and yes, she already got the birthday present we'd all been dreaming of - a new brother!)  Thursday my parents leave on a three day get-away to see the Terra Cotta Warriors in Xian.  And Matt, who has been easing back into work, will be in meetings all day Thursday which means it's my first day on my own with all five.  Woohoo Laura!

I'm off to make some cinnamon rolls for the morning.  (Lydia's request for her birthday breakfast!)

seven pairs of eyes

So I had this great idea that we'd take our first family of seven photo...... we had all been out in the courtyard (so the kids are in bathing suits) and had just wandered out to play in front of our building. 

We're all in one spot, surely we can take a quick picture, right?  (nevermind the fact that I hadn't showered in..... well, a while!)

In about three minutes Dad took ten or so photos.  These three are the best of the bunch :) 

Looks like we've got a bit of work to do - if we're hoping to get a shot with all seven of us looking at the camera that is!

family olympics (and the newest team member)

Under usual circumstances I'm a big stickler for limited TV viewing.  BUT, the Olympics do not qualify as 'usual circumstances' and we've been watching gobs and gobs!  (We can watch online using the NBC site and view all kinds of events, last week we were heavy on the women's gymnastics, recently diving, synchronized swimming, soccer.. )

So today Matt organized a little family Olympic games.  It was awesome. 

This is Lydia finishing up her floor routine.

And as for the score?  She got a thumbs up. 

Isaac on vault was pretty amazing.  He called this move "the tummy back".  Vault (a short sprint across the living room before launching themselves onto piles of couch cushions) was one of the more dangerous events, but remarkably there were only a few minor injuries during the entire afternoon competition.

As soon as the Games started Julianna ran for her USA leotard.  They love to cheer for American athletes, second choice is China or athletes from any country they've visited (which is a fairly long list). 

Our littlest teammate (Luke) snoozed through much of the fun (that, in and of itself, is a big accomplishment for my not-such-a-big-fan-of-sleeping baby boy). 

And our newest team member?  Mostly hung out on Daddy's lap.  He seems to vacillate between several different attitudes - sometimes bold and brave and willing to wander all over the house with just a backward glance to make sure Mom or Dad is close by, and other times he is committed to skin-to-skin contact with Matt :) 

As for how we are all doing, I'm so exhausted at the end of the day I feel like a tired athlete myself.  At any given point during the day I honestly can't think more than about fifteen minutes into the future.  (Except for the moments when I have a panicky "what in the world am I going to do when Matt goes back to work and Mom and Dad go back to America?")

So that's us.  So very very thankful for this little Olympic team the Lord has given us.  And also wondering how in the world we're going to make it through the earliest weeks of adjustment in one piece!   

Wednesday and then HOME!!!!

Wonderful Wednesday!  After a grueling Tuesday (12 hours away from our hotel room, much of it spent in the van, with two boys under age two) we were ready for a day of rest and this was it!  We
woke up with no plans until our 2pm late check out and taxi to the airport. 

John Paul loves to stick to one place.  The longer he is somewhere the more he likes it.  Transition, not so much.  Hanging out and realizing Mommy and Daddy aren't leaving him, he likes that a lot! 

So every minute we stayed in the room was like a notch up on his personality meter :)  He laughed and played and explored (loves to pull toilet paper off the roll - ha!) and even skyped with Grandpa back in North Dakota. 

He spent most of Tuesday attached to Matt - clearly his first preference (Matt is loving it, by the way!).  Since Tuesday was so long and difficult we decided to go with what was best and easiest, which meant he was in physical contact with Matt pretty much the entire day.  Wednesday he was venturing back and forth from me to Matt and burst into tears when I left the room for three minutes. 

We are speaking to him in a mix of Chinese and English.  It's definitely easiest to use Chinese, since we want him to understand us!, but we've started repeating ourselves in English too.  The girls are using mostly Chinese, but I think that'll gradually switch to English too.  He is a smart little guy and is quick to understand simple directions (in Chinese) like "take the car and give it to Mommy" or "Daddy is getting your water, look over there, he's bringing it to you". 

Our first full day at home was intense.  I hardly had a chance to think more than about fifteen minutes into the future.  (thankfully Mom and Dad are here and providing tremendous amounts of help.... tremendous amounts!)

John Paul is a big fan of the big family.  He follows the older three around, always checking to make sure Matt or I am close by.  We got out the pool this afternoon and he was loving it.  I'm pretty sure he'd like to spend every afternoon of the rest of his life playing in this little pool! 

But as much as he likes to play and engage, he also emotionally/physically/mentally checks out at times.  This morning I scooped him up and sat down to snuggle him in the rocking chair.  And right there, at 11 am, in the middle of our living room, surrounded by noise and siblings and all sorts of whatnot he fell fast asleep for about 30 minutes.  It's almost like he just can't handle all that's happening (understandably!) and will choose to snuggle down and disengage. 

We know from his foster mom that he was part of a community, with other children, neighbors in his world.  And, clearly, his foster mom taught him to love the water.  It's quite hot there in the summer, and I'm guessing on the hot afternoons she pulled out a tub of water for him - he is clearly a very experienced water-play-er! 

So I feel like we're in the middle of, well, everything.  Massive transition, learning how to best love and care for this new little guy, trying to figure out how life and family (and meals, and rest, and ....) work with our new normal.

But it's good.  So very good to have him home.  Almost surreal.  I can't believe he's really here, sleeping in the pack n play next to our bed.  I also can't believe how exhausted I am at the end of each day.  It's 9pm and I am about to collapse.  Good night.  Thanks for praying for our sweet boy. 

Tuesday

Tuesday morning we were back at the civil affairs office, ready to sign more papers.  Sweet brothers had a few moments together on the couch .....

After our time at civil affairs we went to a notary office (yes, more signing papers) and then it was time to head out for Nanyang (John Paul's 'hometown').  The trip itself was pretty standard, long drive with young kids standard, that is :)  John Paul is a much better traveler than Luke - at least for now.  He slept some, and played pretty quietly.  Luke turned on his intense, activity-driven personality and drove me nearly insane before we arrived!

The whole purpose of the trip was one very simple fifteen minute paperwork deal (yes, more signatures required) applying for a passport for John Paul.   Although he is 100% adopted and ours forever,  he is still currently a Chinese citizen and will need his passport (and then U.S. visa and trip to America) before he can acquire U.S. citizenship. 

So we f-i-n-a-l-l-y arrive in Nanyang and exit the van to sweltering heat and the two orphanage ladies from Monday.  John Paul took one look at them and started clinging to Matt!  We finish up the paperwork and one of the orphanage ladies says "Now we can see his foster mom".  I turn around and there she is..... 

We stood there, on the steps of a government office building, sweat dripping off everyone of us.  John Paul saw her coming and reached out his arms.  And I started crying.  I know he was probably thinking "this ten day nightmare is finally over, I'm going back to my momma".  He snuggled up into her arms and looked more content than I've ever seen him. 

His foster mom grinned from ear to ear, snuggling and kissing and loving on him.  We visited there on the steps, John Paul content in her arms.  We thanked her and asked questions and thanked her and asked more questions and thanked her again and again :)  I loved hearing little bits of his story, watching her hold out her hands and indicate "he was this small when he came to live with me"  (three days old!) 

She is a delightful woman, in her mid-fifties, from a rural area outside of town.   And she had prepared him so well, so well for us.  As she was holding him, with us standing by her side, she'd say "see, I told you your Mommy and Daddy were coming for you.  Here they are, I told you they were coming." 

What do you say to the woman who cared for your son for his first 19 months?  Who sat by his side during his hospital stay (for his cleft lip repair)?  Who watched him cut his first teeth and pulled him into bed with her when the temperatures dropped at night?  She is a precious lady, and a precious part of John Paul's story.

During the entire visit, which probably lasted only about 15 minutes, the orphanage staff stood by.  On the books a meeting between foster family and adoptive family is discouraged (we had asked for special permission).  And before I knew it, our time on the steps was over and everyone started saying "you have a long drive ahead of you" and "its about time to go". 

So we walked to our van, Matt and Luke and I climbed in.  John Paul's foster mom peeled his arms from around her neck, handed him into the van and walked away sobbing.  The van door closed and we drove away, tears everywhere. 

As terribly difficult as it is even to remember that moment (I'm crying now as I type) I am forever grateful that we had it.  So grateful that John Paul knows that his foster mom knows where he is.  That she gave him to us, that we have pictures and video of all of it.  At 19 months old I am sure that he doesn't understand much of what is happening, he just knows it hurts.  But that moment, I believe it was a big moment for him.  She is a huge part of his story, and to have shared a spot on the timeline of his life - a spot when we were all together - is such a gift.

Tears were still falling when the driver announced we were at the Nanyang City Central Hospital.  The spot where he was abandoned.  I hopped out and took a few photos, Matt and the boys stayed back in the van.  Assuming his birth mother was the one who left him at the hospital (on the steps? at the back door? at night? during the day?  we'll never know....), assuming she was the one who left him -  that is the closest my path will ever cross hers.  I glanced around, wondering.... what direction did she come from? did she hurry away? wait and watch to see that he was picked up?  is she even from the city or had she come in from the countryside for this reason? 

But you know, visiting the spot your son was abandoned is not a warm-fuzzy kind of a thing.  I was ready to get back in the van, leave this place where he was so badly wronged. 

And we drove the long trip home, got to the hotel about 8pm, put Luke in the bed (hallelujah!) and John Paul in the bath.  He loves a bath and it was a sweet, light-hearted way to end a very draining day.

and then.... (the rest of Monday)

After signing a 24 hour guardianship agreement and about a dozen other documents it was time to get in the bus and head back to the hotel. 

Not long after we walked in the room John Paul perked up.  The little boy who didn't make one single sound all morning was ready to start talking :)  We don't understand much of what he says, but it is very clear he wants to communicate, and he has things to talk about.... just like his other siblings! 

Jill ran out for some take out lunch and he ate like a champ.  We loved watching him come 'alive', and then about three o'clock he sat down in my lap and promptly fell fast asleep.   Matt took Luke and ran out for some supplies while I held my sleeping boy. 

Monday afternoon I felt like we saw again how dearly his foster mom loved him.  John Paul thinks he is funny, he expects someone to laugh at his antics.  It's clear he expects to be paid attention to, to be free to roam and play, to explore and come back and explore again.  His foster mama convinced him he was special.  And he is! 

We ate dinner with our friends - and then back to the room for bedtime for everyone.  Luke was through the bath and into bed first, and then we put John Paul in the bath.  And he loved every splash-y minute.  He made a tremendous water-y mess and was pure delight to watch.  A little post-bath snuggling and he was fast asleep. 

We all crashed by about 9pm, which was a blessing since Tuesday would be longer and more challenging than any I've had in a very long time. 

he is ours, and we are his. forever.

This morning (Tuesday August 7th) we made it official.

John Paul is now, and forever, our child. 

But I want to record details, things I hope I remember forever but fear I may forget, so I'm going to back up and start writing.

Matt and Luke and I arrived Sunday afternoon, pulled up to our hotel and the first people we laid eyes on were our friends Jeff and Rebecca (and their kiddos) and Jill.  Three different sets of people arriving from three different cities (two trains and one airplane) and we *happened* to walk into the hotel lobby within minutes of one another.

What a sweet gift to be with these friends.  Jill watched Luke Sunday evening while Matt and I went out for dinner, and then into the evening the five of us sat and talked and laughed and prayed.

Monday morning at 9:30 we headed to the civil affairs office.  There were at least eight families adopting at the same time.  Most (maybe all?) adoptions happen on Monday morning, so there we all were.  Waiting for this life changing moment of meeting our children for the first time.

And before I knew it children started arriving.  It's unbelievably simple - after all the stacks of paper that have been chased, and all the months that have been waited, the end of the journey arrives.  A van pulls up.  The side doors open and out climb the passengers - an adult or two, and a child.  They walk up the steps, a few moments of confusion, and then the orphanage workers place the child into the arms of their new parents.

All adoptions from orphanages in the entire province happen in the provincial capital (Zhengzhou), and we knew John Paul's orphanage was "the farthest away", so we weren't surprised when he wasn't in the first groups to arrive.  Our friends Jeff and Rebecca spotted their little guy as soon as he was out of the vehicle and we watched his first moments with his new family.  (Their new Isaac was a foster brother of their David, whom they adopted last November.  To see them come back to get his foster brother, and make him a brother for life, and joined by two other siblings - it was a sweet moment!)

And then a lady in a blue dress, carrying a toddler sized boy.... but I couldn't see his face.  Was that him?

Yes.  He's the one for us.

Now I can fill in details, things I learned after that moment passed.  The lady in blue works at his orphanage.  John Paul left his foster mother a week earlier.  Blue lady (I never learned her name) didn't know him well, and couldn't even really answer my questions.  So after 19 months with his foster mama, John Paul spent one week (can you imagine?!?!?) in an orphanage, and then a three hour drive with two women he barely knew, and was passed into our arms.

After tears and a bit of struggle, he decided Matt was a much better option than the orphanage ladies, and settled down nicely.  So nicely he wasn't initially too eager to switch to my arms.

We now know that he is (understandably) rattled by transition.  Moving from my arms to Matt's.  Leaving our hotel room for breakfast.  Any time we get into or out of a vehicle he cries and clings.  But once we get settled in and it's clear Mommy and Daddy aren't going anywhere he relaxes and loosens his grip :)

I have so much more to write - but must stop here.  It's late.  And I am exhausted.  

To all of you who are praying: I am humbled to know how much you love and care for us and our John Paul.  It will be a long time before I can return all the emails, but know that each one is a gift to our family.  Today meeting his foster mom and seeing his finding place was very blessed.  His foster mother is an amazing lady, clearly loved him to bits, and had prepared him as best as she possibly could for this transition.  More about that later, and the rest of our gotcha day, and ..... I really really must go to bed. 

John Paul pictures

 

We got him!  Stories later (if I can keep my eyes open after the boys are asleep)....  it's been an amazing day.