falling for fall

It's been a long time since we've experienced true fall weather.  Maybe that's why we are loving it so much? 

In my opinion, this is a perfect 'waiting for a new baby' season :)  I am definitely counting the days, but I am also loving every beautiful, crisp, warm sun on my back, sweatshirt weather piece of fall.  

The kids think falling leaves are the new best toy around.  Even Isaac gets in on the fun and carries them around in a little shovel. 

Moving leaves from one part of the yard....

to a big pile in another part of the yard.....

provides hours of entertainment. 

I put the camera away before the pile got big enough for jumping - but the fun was contagious.  Even Matt took a few plunges into the pile.  Leaves were everywhere! 

Starting today we could be less than one week from meeting our new baby boy!  If the weather stays like this, the days will surely fly by and it won't be long before we're loading the van for one very long road trip. 

What exactly do you do/think/feel/say when you're riding down the interstate, hours from meeting your son? 

nesting?

I wouldn't say I am a big "nester".... I've never pre-washed and laid out baby's clothes, I pack for the hospital when labor starts, I dig out the clothes I need when I need them.  Matt set up the pack n play that was Isaac's first bed the night after he was born!

Partly this might be because I have never been living at home when our babies arrived (which I hate, but that is reality for us, so it's just the way things are).  This time around is no different, except that I will only be gone from home for about a week. (We were away from home for a month for both Julianna and Isaac's births, two months when Lydia was born).

Maybe that's why I spent two hours last night cleaning this house from top to bottom.  The kids were in bed, Matt was working in his office, and I was having a great time cleaning every single inch of our home.  Incidentally, I also realized that despite all my griping about living in small spaces, I have to say that those small spaces come in handy when it's time to clean!  It takes a whole lot longer to clean when you've got more space to cover.

I scrubbed the shower and wondered about the space vs. cleaning time conundrum "Would I trade one closet for an extra twenty minutes of cleaning a week?  What about for thirty minutes?  What if I got a closet and a pantry and a back porch in exchange for an extra hour of cleaning each week?"

I never did make up my mind. 

So now, for a few short hours, you can walk barefoot across our floors and not break your stride to wipe crumbs from the sole of your foot.

Of course,  our new baby will not be walking, and will not be barefoot, so I don't think it's going to make much of an impression.  But, for the record, the house was (mostly) clean when he arrived :)

living on the prairie

We are home again after a three day trip to the western part of the state.  It was a neat time of catching up with old friends, and realizing that while our children travel well, they don't travel that well :) 

Action point #1 is that we decided not to attempt a one day 13 hour road trip to Kansas (coming up soon, more on that later). 

We decided to leave the interstate and take a few back roads on our way west, and it was so worth it - the drive is just amazingly, well, big.  After a few hours in the car we stopped on the side of the road to stretch our legs and snack on some soybeans. 

Fresh soybeans, still on the stalks, still in the fields.  The way I understand it, the farmers are waiting for the beans to dry out before they harvest.  But I don't understand too much about farming, so don't take my word for it. 

That's a photo of Julianna in front of one trillion acres of soybeans, or something like that.  They are quite tasty right out of the field and all our kids like to crack open the pods and snack away.

It was very windy and quite cold... the weather warmed up again yesterday though.

I am reading the Laura Ingalls Wilder books to Julianna (and Lydia sometimes listens too).  We finished Little House in the Big Woods and are now in Little House on the Prairie.  We both loved this passage:

"Kansas was an endless flat land covered with tall grass blowing in the wind.  Day after day they traveled in Kansas, and saw nothing but the rippling grass and enormous sky.  In a perfect circle the sky curved down the level land and the wagon was in the circle's exact middle.  All day long Pet and Patty [the horses] went forward, trotting and walking and trotting again, but they couldn't get out of the middle of that circle"

I seriously feel like that sometimes here.  Except our van travels much faster than Laura's covered wagon, and the "middle of that circle" is occasionally interrupted by another vehicle, a billboard, or an old school house.

We're planning our own trip to Kansas - very soon :)  Looks like the birth mom will induce later next week and we tentatively plan to start driving down on Tuesday.  The "tear off a link a day" chain has become the "tear off two links a day" chain as the trip is approaching faster than we first anticipated!  We feel *mostly* ready to meet this little baby boy, and when I really stop and start to think about that day my heart starts beating faster and I am filled with a "oh my, is this really happening?" kind of feeling!

photo crazy

A few of you have asked about the new sidebar photos - and, yes, I agree... they are soooo good :)  I don't say that because I think we are a particularly photogenic family, I say that because the photographer was just talented. 

Stacey Rygh is a friend of the family and doing these photos with her was plain old fun, and the results were delightful.  She came to Jan and Luther's one afternoon and took about one trillion photographs - every possible combination of people in about thirteen different settings around the backyard. 

I picked out my one hundred favorite pics and posted them below.  Ha ha ha.  I actually narrowed it down to ten.  Or so.  It's just so hard to pick the best :)

I already have a few that I definitely want to print (like the one of Julianna and Lydia kissing that I cannot wait to hang on the wall of their bedroom in China). 

We plan to have Stacey back to take more photos of our family after our newest little one gets settled in....

siblings for Isaac

This new baby is going to bring big changes to our whole family.  But I'm pretty sure the biggest shock is coming right at Isaac.

Julianna is now preparing for sibling #3.... she's been down this road a few times :)

Lydia tells me that she remembers Isaac's birth.  I have serious doubts and am pretty sure this is a classic case of "my big sister _____ therefore I also ______"  Regardless, she is a little more aware of what's heading our direction.

And then there is Isaac :)  Who knows what's happening in that little head of his?  On the airplane home last Wednesday I had one telling conversation.  Background info you must know to really understand this though -  Isaac loves his little toy lawnmower, loves to spot lawnmowers when he rides in the car, loves to sing songs about lawnmowers.  (Yes, I make up lawnmower songs... impressive, huh?)

Anyways, he's in my lap on the airplane and we're chatting.

Me:  Isaac, are you going to share your lawnmower with the new baby?

Isaac:  Yeah.

Then, slowly, his face gets a very concerned look.

Isaac (loudly and with conviction): Mine.... mine.... mine.  Lawnmower, mine. 

Me:  Okay buddy, it's ok.  You probably don't need to share your lawnmower.


For a little guy who spends his days "sharing" with his big sisters, I'd like to think he's a little more prepared, but looks like his sin nature won the heart battle on this particular issue!

Moments like these encourage me that, though there will be some bumps on the road, one day he will delight in his new baby brother.

That's my little man, skype-ing with his Daddy and big sisters while we were in Charlotte last week (the cell phone is irrelevant, but he thought he was really using it so I let him keep dreaming).

He was having a blast ... Isaac can be quite the entertainer and kept the girls giggling despite the 1200 miles between them.

He really does love these girls, and I'm hopeful that the transition from "baby of the family" to "sharing the middle spot with Lydia" will be relatively smooth :) 

"Relatively" being the operative word here - when the going gets tough, remind me to tell you how Lydia reacted to Isaac's arrival.  The short version?  She yelled at the top of her lungs when I failed to verbally respond to any comment or request she made.  Pleasant.  Thankfully, it only lasted a few (long) weeks :)

brownies and wise choices

What do we do now?  What do I do now? 

In my heart I am a mommy of four.  Well, in most of my heart.  There is still a piece, a significant piece, that fears all the "what ifs" and the unknowns.  But I also know that I need to, I must, let my heart engage with this little boy waiting for me in Kansas.

And I want to engage, to love him, long for him, yearn to hold him and snuggle him and welcome him to our family. 

So what do I do?

I do "life as usual".  I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and serve applesauce to the three treasures already in our home. 

I stand up from the lunch table and check the weather in Kansas. 

I do laundry, washing and folding and sorting and putting away.

My mind wanders, and I mentally pack sleepers, receiving blankets, baby laundry for a 800 mile trip to meet my son-to-be.  

I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind jumps to wondering if his birth mom is also awake, uncomfortable in her final weeks of pregnancy. 

Matt and I install the car seat that has been sitting in our storage room for a month.

The girls hop in the van the next day and squeal with delight - a seat for our new baby!  I love riding around with this seat in the car.  I grin each time I see it.  And I think this visual proof is so great for our kids.  Even Isaac points to the seat and says "baby seat buckle baby". 

For our "craft" on Friday we made a paper chain - one link for each day we wait until we travel to go meet our little boy.  (Of course I don't know the exact date yet, so I guessed and plan to add or subtract a few links when the details get firmer!)  The kids decorated one side of each link, and together we brainstormed a different way to pray for him each day and added that prayer request to the other side of the link.  Each morning we'll tear off a link, pray for our baby, watch the chain get shorter and shorter. 

[The 20+ prayer requests the girls came up with are pretty awesome:  that he will be nice to us, that he will grow enough teeth to eat, that his eyes will see good, that he will like brownies.  And we encouraged them "how can we pray for his heart?" and the answers were precious.  "That he will love Jesus, that he will make wise choices, that he will trust in Jesus, that he will have a heart that wants to obey."  So some days we'll pray for brownies.  And other days we'll pray for wise choices.  All in all, it's a good mix.]

There are logistical details yet to be dealt with - faxes, emails, documentation.  So I can fix my mind on lists of things to do.  Then I wonder if he will have hair when he's born.  Will I even know what to do with baby hair?!?!? 

So ..... this is what I do.  I live in this weird "in between". 

In some ways life is "as usual".   And in other ways my heart screams: there is nothing usual going on here!  We are part of a huge adoption story - God is adopting lost and broken people into his perfect love and grace and mercy.  And He is allowing our family to mirror a small part of that adoption story in the life of one small baby boy.  Praises! 

Thank you for journeying with us.... every prayer for this little baby boy, for our family, for the birth mother.... God hears, He is delighted when His people humble themselves and pray.  And we are grateful to journey with you. 

We are many things: excited, nervous, joy-filled, anxious, fearful, overwhelmed.  But we are not lonely.  Thank you.  

the potato bowl parade

If you've never heard of the Potato Bowl Parade.... well, I know where you are NOT from.  It was a sweet way to spend a morning - one continuous stream of entertainment for the whole family.

It is officially no longer warm here - weather forecasters predicted the first frost last night, but it turned out to be a beautiful day and at our sunshine-drenched roadside perch we were toasty warm (in our layers of clothing!)

Back in the day Matt marched in the Potato Bowl parade with his high school marching band.  The marching bands with all their drums and baton twirlers and flag girls were super fun to watch. 

But the best part (at least in the kids' minds) was the candy.  It seemed every other float or car or tractor or election campaign representatives or what-have-you had some volunteers walking alongside and tossing candy to the crowds. 

I really think we could do a parade one Saturday a month.... it was just a great way to spend a morning.  There were gymnasts, roller bladers, dancers, horses, motorcycles, balloons, athletes, mascots... and one very happy family of five-soon-to-be-six! 

 

his story meets our story... the first chapter

[I wrote most of this a few days ago and it's been sitting, waiting, for the right moment to post it... and it's finally here!]

Friday September 9th I took a phone call from our local social worker who completed our home study addendum.  Finally, finally.... it was finished!  (Weeks after we thought it would be, thanks to my inept fingerprints.)  As we were getting off the phone she casually said, "so, if you were to get a phone call about a baby tonight, you're ready."

That evening Matt was out late and I was on the phone with a dear friend.  After hanging up the phone I opened my computer to check email one last time (knowing that my mom had sent some info about my Grandmother) and there was a one line email from our adoption consultant.  "Call me if you're still up."

I grabbed the phone and started dialing.  The news is that there's a birth mom (Caucasian), in Kansas, with a baby boy due October 15th, she wants the agency to chose a family on her behalf.  Are we interested?   YES!  We're interested! 

Matt and I talked and gathered some additional information and talked and prayed and talked and then, finally, tried to go to sleep.

The next morning (Saturday) I was awake early and my mind was spinning 100 miles a minute.  Matt took Isaac and went over to his parents to help get ready for the big family gathering.  I sat the girls down in the hallway:  "We're getting closer to getting our new baby.  Mommy has a lot of very important phone calls to make this morning and it's going to be a little crazy.  Can you try very hard to help our new baby and let Mommy talk on the telephone?" 

And I started making phone calls.  I called another adoptive mom who has adopted children with similar background and history to the little boy we hope to bring home.  I called our consultant.  Our local social worker.  The Kansas social worker.

By Saturday night we had most of the information we needed.  One big legal sticking point was unanswered, and we had one other significant concern.  In a sweet break from the emotional and mental hubbub of the previous 24 hours we sit on the sofa and talk about naming this little guy.  The first name we've tossed around for the past six months doesn't seem like a good fit.  Within about fifteen minutes we land on another one, a name we've never considered before (keeping the middle name we've had since the beginning) and it's settled. 

Sunday, day three.  We're both feeling more confident that this is our little guy.  I pull down the baby boy clothes I brought home from China and plop them on our bed.  That afternoon we receive a super encouraging phone call regarding the legal issue - its settled.  And again that evening, more big phone calls.  Slowly, surely, the Lord is answering prayers for clarity and wisdom and direction.  Matt and I write a letter to the birth mom - she has indicated that she wants a totally closed adoption (meaning no contact between birth mother and adoptive family) but we are hopeful she will read it.


And we begin a week of waiting.
We wait Monday.
And Tuesday.
And Wednesday.
And Thursday.

And then Thursday afternoon we get the phone call.  The birth mom read the letter and responded.  The social worker reads us her letter over the phone.  Matt and I are confident.  We tell the social worker we are ready to move forward, we sign a contract of intent to adopt this baby boy, rush to get the appropriate documentation sent to the Kansas agency and wire a payment to the adoption agency!!!

OHMYGOODNESS!  This is our little guy!  Due October 15th, but probably arriving earlier than that :)  My mommy-brain is busy making lists of all the things I need to do between now and when we leave for Kansas.  We hope to meet our baby boy before he even leaves the hospital!

Please keep praying!  Nothing is ever guaranteed.... not only in adoption, but in life.  So we trust in the Lord, walking forward, hoping and praying.

waiting in Charlotte

Isaac and I arrived in Charlotte late last night.  Isaac was delighted to be my only companion and it's fun to have some good one on one time with him. 

On our second flight there was an empty seat next to me and he loved sitting in it - he wanted to get all situated, buckle his belt, and read the SkyMall magazine.  It was really cute for the three minutes that it lasted.  Then he started pulling at the seat belt saying "out out out".  But every fifteen minutes or so he would return to the seat and ask "buckle buckle" until I fastened him in again (for another three minute stint in the seat). 

In between brief moments sitting in the extra seat Isaac was a busy boy.  His activities?  Stand in mom's lap, smile at passengers in row behind us, down to the floor, pull things out of the seat back pocket, back to mom's lap for a brief glance out the window, play with the tray table, read a few books, throw his books on the floor, eat some pretzels, stand in the empty seat, play with our neighboring passenger's newspaper, stand in my lap again to check out the row behind, squirm down to the floor again, look for more pretzels, brief moment when his interest is captivated by the drink cart, etc. 

No other passenger burned more calories than he did.  But he was happy and mostly content, so I can't complain.

Our morning visit with Grandmother was wonderful.  It was so good to see her!  And also to have extra time visiting with both of my parents, and some aunts and uncles too :) 

The adoption news? WAITING!  You think we'd be better at it by now :)

It really should be any minute (or day? or hour? but hopefully not week!) until we have some definite confirmation!  Stay tuned :) 

never a dull moment

Where to start?

We've got L-O-T-S swirling around on the adoption front and are hopeful that all the details will settle and we'll have some big news to announce in the next few days :)  That's all I can say for now... but please pray for wisdom, clarity, peace for us. 

Yesterday we enjoyed a big 'ole family gathering and had loads of fun catching up with aunts, uncles, cousins and 2nd cousins.  (Notice that in a group this size Lydia is the only one not looking at the camera.... photographing that child is a challenge!)

This afternoon we decided to enjoy the balmy temperatures (have I mentioned that September rolled in with lots of chilly weather around here?) and head out to a local state park for a little hiking and picnic supper.  I have lots of great photos that I will put up in a separate post. 

Tomorrow (Monday) afternoon Isaac and I head to the airport for a quick trip to see my Grandmother, who is in the hospital.  It'll be Isaac's first trip to North Carolina :)  Isaac is a free companion since he still qualifies as a "lap infant" (major misnomer as he is most certainly not an infant and the 'lap' size is questionable!)  He's coming along to meet my Grandmother for the first time...  

Free companion is of course relative in this sense.  Financially, he's a no cost passenger.  In terms of sheer exhaustion on my part, it's anything but free :)  I'm bringing along his favorite titles: The Dumptruck, The Concrete Mixer and The Bulldozer. The little man has incredible tolerance for listening to those books.  Over.  And over.  And over again. 

We can't wait to visit Grandmother, and spend some time with my mom and dad as well.


I hope to pop back in and update tomorrow if we get final adoption details settled ...

hiking for five

Matt loves the woods and the God who made them.  So do I.  And we want to teach our kids to love them too.  Hopefully it starts with a day like today :)

Isaac had a blast.  We all did.  With all the adoption-related phone calls and emails and intense conversations these past two days, it was pure joy to be out in the world loving God's creation. 

I'm not sure I will ever get used to this huge expanse of blue horizon.  The state park runs along a river valley.... it's home to the few hills and valleys in the area.  But even in the wooded valleys this big sky is waiting at the top of the hill. 

Raising our hands in victory at the end of the loop - we made it! 

We drove home with a van full of tired kiddos and hearts full of adoption anticipation.  What a sweet way to spend a Sunday afternoon. 

This, afternoons like this, I miss this when we are in Asia. 

my stair steps

I remember looking at my three kids right after Isaac's birth.  The girls seemed H-U-G-E and he seemed so teeny tiny.

19 months separate Julianna & Lydia and 19 months separate Lydia & Isaac.... but when he was a baby, it was hard to believe.  I thought of the girls as "my big kids" and Isaac as "my baby".    

But not anymore - the girls are growing and changing, but not nearly as fast as Isaac, and he is a baby no longer.  Recently I've been thinking they look just like stair steps, so this morning I lined them up for a photo.

I love it!  Isaac's vocabulary is exploding, he really likes to play with his sisters, not just near his sisters, and the three of them make quite the team (especially when they help me shop for groceries!)

cousin craziness

This past weekend the kids experienced once again the fun and excitement cousins bring to any gathering....

Matt's dad, Luther, and his three siblings, plus their spouses, children and grandchildren (minus just a few) joined together for lots of family fun.  My kiddos were in cousin heaven (actually, second cousin heaven, since most in their generation are the children of Matt's cousins). 

Grandma Ruth presided as QUEEN of the whole party, and over a game of Sorry! began to instruct Julianna about the particulars of the competitive spirit that reigns in this family :)

I took this photo of the 'boys table' at one meal - Isaac is a bit too small to join the chaos this time around, but he sure loved watching these big boys play.  He also enjoyed a lot of TLC from his bigger cousins, especially Brenna and Nicole who loved him from head to toe the entire weekend (and gave me lots of opportunity to sit and visit, since I wasn't concerned with keeping up with my little man).

We ate s'mores

drank root beer

cuddled

and posed for photos

The family reunion is over, but this week holds lots of excitement - Julianna starts swimming lessons and both girls begin Wednesday night church activities (AWANA) this week.  I am so glad to have some routine to our days and structure to our week.

no people bigger

Truth of the matter is, I am not having a very good week.  My heart and my head are tired of the battles of this world.  I long for eternity. 

Right now only small pieces of me can celebrate Jesus, who promises rest for the weary, comfort for the broken hearted, pain-free everlasting life.  But I wake up each morning, keep pressing on, walking through each day trying to trust the only One who is worthy. 

And I find myself again grateful for my children.  Who bring me joy in the midst of despair.  And also bring incredible amounts of mess to both my heart and my home.

This week God is using them to bring joy and life and laughter and cuddles and plain old craziness.  Yesterday morning I overheard this little conversation from the back row of our van. 


voice #1: There are no people in the world bigger than Mommy.... (long pause).... except Jesus.

voice #2: And also Daddy. 

voice #1:  Yeah, and Daddy.  He is bigger than Mommy. 

I smiled.  Big.  I'm not sure I've ever thought being declared "the biggest person in the world" [apart from Jesus and Matt] would be a compliment.  But in this case I am most definitely sure that it is.